Slept on my Back

     As a child I tucked myself deep into my sheets.  The scary shadows would get me if I wasn't buried under at least one layer of cotton to protect me from the evils of the night.  I was typically on my stomach.   This pattern seemed to last for the rest of my life.  Now, sometimes I do the side-stomach deal with one leg straight out and the other in a bend.  But my face is tucked and my arms are usually twisted up with the pillow.  When you are pregnant they tell you that sleeping on your back is actually dangerous so though it's the only way that would be comfortable when you are larger than life...you shouldn't really do it.  There were lots of years of side sleeping. 
     I am 39 years old.  Between the years of sleeping on my stomach, the warnings about babies and things that go bump in the night that had easier access to my demise should I not be buried....I have never willingly slept on my back.  I was convinced it was impossible.  Lately, I've been waking up in a twist of knots and dead asleep limbs.  Daily.  Last night after flipping one way to alleviate the right arm being painfully numb I turned.  And flipped.  And smashed pillows.  Turned again.  This grown woman could not sleep on her back because she just doesn't do it.  I don't sleep on my back.  Then it hit me.  Just because I have been doing it for all of the years I can remember...doesn't mean I can't claim this whole new position now.  Just because we've always done something one way doesn't mean that we can't do it another way.  Duh. 
     I propped two pillows under my neck and skull.  I found just the right blanket...sheet ratio.  I put my arms all crazy way up over my head and you know what?  I was damn comfortable.  Wow.  I also was not worried about the axe murderer or satanic spirit that could get me in this vulnerable position...I just wanted a good night's sleep.  And I got one. 
     Just because we've always done it one way doesn't mean we can't change.  Pretty big lesson for a seemingly simple new thing....

Nirvana Water

     "Nestled amidst 2,000 acres of untouched wilderness in the majestic Adirondack Mountains is the source that provides Nirvana Natural Spring Water.  This pristine spring water flows to the surface naturally at a constant 42 degrees, attesting to its extremely deep-rooted nature."

(It was on sale for $2.99 a case.)

They can't all be exciting people...they can't all be exciting.  Some days you have to catch up on laundry and food shopping and rest and family time...and then you realize on the way home from the store that sometimes a new thing can be as simple as a delicious bottle of water.  It tastes like the fancy bottled water from an island far away but it's the same price for a case as for one of those bottles.  A whole new week is facing me with a whole new batch of new things awaiting...

Field Trip to Brooklyn with Leigh Ann

     You know those magical days where you feel like you have lived days in just hours?  Yesterday was one of them.  The event started at 2.  We had plenty of time in the Jeep to talk about everything under the sun and we did.  The first stop was in New Jersey to visit with an artist at the Riker Hill Art Park.  After visiting with one...we went on to meet many.  The cast of characters was full and quite interesting.  One artist studio after another our minds were blown by beauty, some crazy and lots of unique.  It put many puzzle pieces together for me of the lives I always hear about at work. 
     Next it was off to Brooklyn.  I got to see real hipsters.  It was fun and funny.  We didn't get to navigate through the streets or check out all of the cool places but we were on a mission. We found the Lovin' Cup as if we were in Alice in Wonderland.  A dark little place with a list of fancy whiskeys.  I don't do whiskey but a Brooklyn Lager in a fat pint glass did just fine.  You know what they say..."When in Brooklyn...".  I had three of the most amazing and oh so tiny sliders.  The meal was wonderful but we settled on this place because down a hallway and through a curtain and a door was another space.  The Cameo.  They do art, music...you name it back there.   We watched Strand of Oak open up for Crooked Fingers and they were both really, really good.  Really good. 
     It was then back to PA.  So... lots of new things squished into one big fat new event and a road trip that left me inspired in more ways than one.  Thanks Leigh Ann, Todd, Ivan, Mr. Nose, Tim and all of the others that made me smile.  It was a good day. 

A Day with Jake

--Trains
--Cariboo
--Memory
--Restaurant
--Disney Game
--Candy Land
--Hide and Seek
--Basketball
--Tag
--Stories
--Swings
...and that was only a fraction of the time spent together.  Yep, Jake is 4 and we had a really nice day! Thanks Jake...it was just as fun for me as it was for you!

Dinner at The Buffet with Mary and Jessie

     Mary has friends.  Lots of them.  She takes time to get together with them...which seems impossible since she has so darn many.  Tonight, she made her way out to a little two day getaway with her long time pal, Jessie.  She is one of the sweetest women to walk the Earth...so when she invited me to join them for dinner I could ONLY say YES!  Their little road trip brought them to the Poconos for some casino and outlets time.  It was kicked off with a dinner at The Buffet.  Now two of us are counting some points so it was a perfect blend of moderation and intelligence with a little splurge for dessert.  Nothing crazy (though I have yet to figure out my points!). 
     We laughed and ate shrimp.  We giggled and had salads.  We people watched over unsweetened iced teas.  We shared stories over the best green beans ever.   We made plans over the perfectly tiny bowl of soft serve ice cream complete with sprinkles.  It was a lovely meal but it fed my soul way more than my tummy. 
     On the way back through the smoky casino (cough, cough) I found a penny heads up and then a quarter heads up and passed them both to the gambler.  I already come out ahead for the night...hope she ends up the same! 

A Rose at Mass for Sally

     I received a letter in the mail from the church a few weeks ago.  They were having a special All Soul's Mass for those of us who had lost someone in the past year.  Tonight at 5:30 we joined together in remembrance.  Each family was given a red rose.  We sang one of the same songs that I selected for the memorial last winter.
     We were all there together to honor them.  Some of the pain could be felt across the room.  I started out strong and found at one point the tears just wouldn't stop flowing.  Quiet and calm...but copious.  It was then I heard her.  She said something so real and so funny (and nothing I could ever share) that it made me smile instantly.  That is Sally.  And tonight we saw her name on a list of the lost.  Still surreal.  To all of you that have lost a dear one this year...a prayer was said in your honor...and my Mom is probably chatting away with them as I type.

Share the Desiderata

      Lately and more than ever I am asking the universe for some answers.  I mean really asking.  I do it on the way to work.  I ask my Ipod to send me a message.  I ask as I'm working.  I thing about it before I go to sleep.  When I wake up...it's my first question of the day.  I even asked while at church tonight...a church I have been starting to wonder about.  I know the universe was warning me but I was ignoring it.  I am listening...I swear.  Themes were big today.  I was fed a most delicious bowl of kale soup by my dear friend and support, Leigh Ann.  She feeds me on a daily basis with way more than just soup.  My sister was also a source of extreme encouragement.  It has been a rough road as siblings but now more than ever she is one of my biggest cheerleaders.  She answered specific questions today without prompt as if she had heard me ask them.  I also turned to Oprah tonight.  It was about rising up from the ashes.  I teared up when she explained that depression and sadness can make you so tired and weary.  Those are the two words I have been using for years.  Tired.  Weary.  I also dug through some papers in a pile today and found a copy of poem.  As a young kid I had written this very poem on the back of a notebook.  I would read it daily.  Sometimes more than once.  I didn't know from mantras or meditations back then.  I was just a kid and yet I was doing what all of the wise people tell me to do now as a grown woman.  As I read through it all of these lost years later I realized that so many of these themes became my own.  I planted seeds and then grew right around them.  I also think I forgot a few and need to get to work.  Either way I will be reading it daily yet again.  The universe heard me loud and clear on a day when things were dark and scary.  Thank you universe and all of you who help me on a daily basis to remember that there are many reasons to just keep going...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.