Grab our CSA shares

     The rain and the cold delayed the start of the crops but not the excitement.   Today we picked up our very first shares from the farm.  The dry erase board listed our goodies.  First off...were the herbs.  We went with lemon thyme and oregano since mint is never at a shortage in our yard.  Next, we grabbed the beautiful leeks.  I have to say I am the most excited about them because they are one of my favorites.  Then it was a bag of mixed greens and another bag of spinach followed by the most tender bundle of asparagus.  Don't forget the green onions. 
     Now....the fun part...two things I've never dealt with before.  First off - garlic scapes.  I have done some research so I now know that they are the trimmed parts from hardneck garlic and are a special treat in the spring.  After some recipe searches I think I am staying as pure as possible and throwing them on the grill with some sea salt and olive oil to bring out their natural sweetness.  Finally, stinging nettle.  What is stinging nettle you ask?  Well, I have seen this name many times in my homeopathic remedies but have never done anything with the actual leaves.  The warning to wear gloves while picking them up sort of worried me.  Apparently they leave a stinging sensation...hence the name.  Ahhh, it's all coming together now.  When blanched they can be used for pesto and other things but I think I am going with the stinging nettle and leek soup.  Tomorrow will be a fun day of adventure in the kitchen.  I have herbs to play around with as well as a bottle of garlic vinegar to make into some delicious dressing to top off my fresh greens.  I might even slip some chickweed into  the mix. So much to do and it's only the first week when crops are tiny but oh so special.   Ok, back to research and recipe searches!!!

First swim at the pool

     Summer as a child meant long days floating, dipping and swimming in my pool.  I would hit the water as soon as possible and stay until I had to get out to do things like...eat, sleep or the like.  My fingers were a constant state of prune.   When I first moved away from having my own pool I sought out new ways to stay connected to the scent of chlorine.  I became a lifeguard at 18 and spent many a day hearing the ripples of a lap swim or the loudness of a family night.  I used the gorgeous pool at college, the Y and any and every hotel I could find if traveling.  In between real life and work and children I would find moments here and there but nothing like the good old days. 
     Until today.  You have heard me mention Mary before...my Gramary.  The kids could not have a better grandmother and I could not have a better friend and "mom".  After spending some time with us this weekend she gave me a gift that I don't think either one of us realized would be SO amazing.  (Though I did start crying as she told me her plan to give us the pool membership for the summer...and she did tease me a bit.)
     Today is Memorial Day.  A day of hot dogs and watermelon and sunshine and pools.  The squeals of joy came from my children as I told them where we were headed...to the big gorgeous pool we have stood near and stared at for several summers.  It is close and in a beautiful setting.  We threw on suits and grabbed the Pop Pop in his cords and heavy shirt and zoomed on up.  In mere seconds we seemed to be floating and paddling and dipping.  The sun was perfect.  The temperature of the water...divine.  My little Pisces never left the water.  For two hours straight we soaked it all in. 
     I took a moment to face the sunlight and concentrate on the water.  This felt like summer.  For a moment there was a feeling washing over me.  I tried to focus on it.  Be present.  Give it a title.  I came up with one word to sum it all up...bliss.  Bliss.  True bliss.  There I was in the 4' section with sun on my face and laughter in the air.  My children were happy but I was experiencing bliss.  I looked ahead at the summer.  I saw the plans and flashes of things to come...snacks and games of Uno at the cute little tables, naps in beach chairs if I found some time to myself, marble searches with masks and all of the other wonderful things that happen with a pool.  The feeling of sore muscles from too much fun.  Lungs that feel like they've been pushed a bit more each day.  Wet towels and fuzzy curls and tan lines from bathing suit straps.  Nice sleeps from water exhaustion.
     I will value each and every moment.  I will treasure each new sunny day.  I will get there as much as time and weather allows.   I will teach my babies to swim and dunk and play in the water.  It is one step closer to the me I am returning to...and I am so grateful to the woman who made it possible.    Something tells me that the pink cheeks and lightened hair will be all the proof she needs of the value of this gift.  Gramary...for all that you do and for the times you even top yourself...thank you!!!!

Wings at the Gem and Keystone

     The weather was too nice to be inside and the deal was too good to pass up.  Exhausted from a long and crazy weekend the only alternative was something quick and simple...and cheap.  Oh, and we needed to give my Dad a little TLC and if you ask that man what he wants to eat..."wings" is typically the answer.   Plus it contributed to my eating frenzy because in just a few days things will be changing. 
     By the way I just fell asleep sitting up while typing this so I think it's safe to say it's time for bed.  One holiday weekend, a visit from the Murrrr, a wedding, a visit with some family and a whole lot of crazy has worn this family out.  Oh...and there is one MORE day!

The O'Brien/McCauley Wedding

     The weather was perfect as we sat in the sunshine near the gazebo where the ceremony took place.  Tears were free flowing as the couple and their children reminded us all of what love looks like.  Genuine.  True.  Love. 
     The rest of the night was a whirlwind of meeting relatives, dancing, eating, talking and toasting milestones and futures.  Did I mention dancing?  There was lots of it.  I even danced to songs I have sworn off ever dancing to. 
     I wish the happy couple the brightest of futures.  Their love story is as unique as they are.  They have made a beautiful family together and serve as an inspiration to the world.  Congrats, Carrie and Tommy!

Sweaters and sunshine (Part II)

     Somewhere along the line as adults you lose that magic thing you have in childhood.  I have stood and watched my children form instantaneous bonds with kids at the park...random strangers at a party.  There is a freedom in being a kid.  I want to be your friend.  Ok.  So simple.  We lose that as adults.  It's quite sad.   We also grow up and the childhood friends that we once adored become obsolete.  We are no longer compatible when we have nothing to talk about beyond the old diner in the neighborhood or how many times we rode the Scrambler together.  Those bonds are deep and yet fragile all at the same time.  There are also the friends that no matter what the circumstances are there...true and bold...no matter what.
     I was beginning to question life more than ever.   The what ifs.  The if only.   Had I made all of the right decisions?  Did the mandatory career change alter my entire life forever?  Was I doing the right thing by my family and children?  Should I have moved five times in fifteen years. Did I choose the right paths in the right directions?  And the big one...where did I go?  College, jobs, moves, friends, marriage, children, pets, old people...where was I in all of this?  I was gone.  Little bits and pieces of me strewn along the road of life.  Now I was parked on a couch.  Empty.  I got through the day to day challenges with to do lists and color coded charts.  I got up and got dressed and made meals.  I cleaned and decorated and existed.  Merely existed.  Numbed by years of my own silence in a world too loud to hear myself think in.  Why in a house so full of people was I so lonely?
      Enter said "sweater".  Once we got past the countless emails replaying our youth there was more.  We realized how similar we were in so many ways.  Ideals, goals, drives and wish lists were compared and contrasted.  We started to help one another find the very voices that had been silenced within ourselves for years.  We listened just the way we had all of those years ago.  Truly listened.  Dates, classmates, work buddies...they are easy to find.  Friendship is the hard part.  Real, genuine friendship.  We have changed our lives since.  We have moved from the yesterday and into the tomorrow.  It has had its challenges to say the least.  We were once again the hand in the darkness to help pull us out of what we could not do alone.  We were NOT the reason things were changed but the very parachute that we needed when it was time to jump.  And from that we have developed into something so much more.  My sweater has taken on many roles in my current life but it all goes back to the core.  I can truly be myself and not only is it accepted but it is celebrated.  With this power I can find all of the things that made me sparkle and shine and it's just a matter of time until the clouds disperse and the blue skies remind us of how lucky we truly are.  Oh and my Mom...well she got the last word after all because I was finally able to look at him in a whole new way.  Like the mighty oak tree and its acorn...the potential was all there in the acorn the whole time...it was just a matter of the right conditions...nutrients, warmth and allowing it a space to grow.  And don't forget the sunshine.

Tell the tale of a long lost friend....found. (Part I)

     The year was 1984.  Sixth grade.  Not always such an easy time in school.  You are all changing from goofball kids to something that comes next...something I can't really define.  Home life wasn't such a peach that year either.  I enjoyed school for the most part despite the rough year I had prior with the world's worst teacher.  I spent a week at home sicker than a dog.  I still remember that Monday morning and the feeling of desperation to stay at home some more.  It was a funny feeling but whenever I was sick I was usually overwhelmed at the thought of going back.  It was safe at home.  Safe from the ever growing mean girls and the pushy boys that were starting to really bug me.
     I went back.  I had a new seat.  A seat next to a boy named John.  He had always been around but in a different homeroom.  We were in most of the same groups because of our reading and math levels and had even taken a few guitar lessons together...but never really connected.  He lived a few blocks down from me which to a Bronx kid was a whole other world.  We were divided into what felt like countries at times.  I swear some even had borders and "welcome to..." signs.
      It didn't take long to realize I had been missing a good pal with all of those years of neglect.  He was hysterically funny and bright...really bright... and someone that I loved having on my team when we had all of those rounds of Trivial Pursuit.  He also got me.  He listened as I ranted about various things that I held important...ya know, like how many songs had colors in the lyrics (Karma Chameleon was a winner) and other odd little ditties.  For some reason he was one of the few people I felt comfortable around.  No matter what strange facts popped out of my ever moving mouth...he stayed and listened.  He was kind and safe and funny when no others really were.  He was in his own group of one when other boys needed to be dodged.  As I began to look at him as a safe place to grow into the me that I was becoming I had no idea of the impact I was having on his life as well.  His home life wasn't so peachy either.  Two little goofballs making each other laugh...we had no idea how we were saving each other in so many other (bigger) ways.  My mother (who couldn't stand any guy I brought home) constantly pushed me to look at him in a different way.  I just never did.  She saw the potential I guess.
     This friendship continued for years until he moved away.  Die hard pen pals we stayed in touch despite the move to neverland.  We would visit from time to time through high school and maybe make an occasional phone call but it was just never the same.  One thing remained though...a bond....unique and strong.  I invited him to my "high school graduation/say goodbye bc we are moving" party.  He came.  It was like no time had ever passed.  We could jump right back into conversations complete with ramblings and excitement like no others.  We said goodbye as I did to many people that night.  Would I still get postcards and letters and Christmas cards?  The answer is no.  We parted that day in June and were nothing but a dear memory to one another.  For years.  Decades.
     For some strange reason I joined Classmates for a bit and was lucky to find some dear old friends.  It put me back in touch with grown women who were just mere teenagers when I last saw them.  We had families and children and careers and it was fun to catch up here and there about our long lost lives.  When I saw his name as a new member my heart jumped in my chest.  My dear sweet friend...could it be?  It was.  The two goofball teenagers that wrote letters about music, travels and family became pen pals once again.  This time we used no paper or envelopes but words on a computer screen.  Emails proved that no chunk of time nor years of separation could keep two silly little kids down.  We spent weeks discussing the old neighborhood and the school.  We discussed teachers and the theories that went with them.   He is a teacher now in the very same neighborhood where we grew up.  I have a teaching degree as well...so LOTS and LOTS of teacher stories.  We discussed everything from all of the special ed students he had to how different the old neighborhood is now.  We caught up on the professional aspects of our lives.  Then we caught up on the old friends we used to know (even went to a reunion that put us all under the same roof after twenty years).  As we started to trace the steps of our youth we realized that the two smiling idiots in grade school were so much more than buddies.  He was my "sweater"...a safe and warm place when things everywhere else seemed to be cold and falling apart.  I was his "sunshine" in a world full of darkness.  All that time we never knew the full extent to what we were to one another.  We didn't know much about the parts of your family you don't share.  All these years later and we finally thanked one another for being the hand that pulled us out of the darkness.
     But as history was repeating itself we became a pocket of brightness in a world that was growing more dreary by the day.  We were laughter and jokes and giggles as the day to day sadness of adulthood was kicking in.  But as adults we added empathy, support and an honest look at life from a new perspective.  I found him to be a form of therapy.  He would listen and encourage but he also was honest and made me look at myself and the things around me.  I did the same for him.  We were an objective voice, a subtle push or a hearty nudge when needed.  I was being reminded of the things that the little eleven year old had forgotten.  We gave each other a new window with a new view on life and discovered that once again we were a the sweater and sunshine to one another that we always had been.  Stay tuned for Part II...

Watch the final Oprah show

     We all know Oprah.  Five little letters placed together are known all over the world.  Some adore her.  Others abhor her.  But she is known.  I have recorded Oprah since I got my dvr years and years ago.  At the end of the night or early in the wee hours of the morning I would check the topic.  Some never made viewing time on my television.  Others changed my life that particular day.  Messages I was supposed to receive at the time would find me.  Sometimes it was a good book.  Other times it was a life lesson.  At times it was just some pure and simple entertainment.
     If you are close to me you know that a couple of years ago I was inspired by Oprah to read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.  I read the book chapter by chapter and was thrilled to talk to anyone who would listen about the life changing lessons that I had learned.  Oprah announced a weekly webcast on Monday nights to cover a chapter per week of the book.  I would read it and snuggle up in my favorite big blue comfy chair and listen to the author, Oprah and various readers adapt it to real life.  It came at a time I needed it more than I even realized.  Looking back I know the value that it brought me.  It was my kick start to a shift.  It cleared the cobwebs in my brain and made room for the reading, the growth and the thought process that I had so missed.  It was just the beginning. 
     Oprah has always honored teachers and mothers.  Two for two on that one.  There were shows that showed me that women could be real.  It is hard being a mother.  It is hard being a working mother.  Some shows reminded me that I didn't have to be perfect...I just had to do my best.  Other shows prepped me for being a daughter to a sick and aging parent or one that is slowly forgetting his life. Wives reached out to me with words of wisdom about relationships and the difficulties in marriage.  Doctors yelled about how we eat, how we live and what we need to change. 
     Oprah opened my eyes to some concepts that I use all of the time.  Things like how the universe will whisper to you and if how you don't listen...it will shout. I say that all of the time now and I believe it to be very true.  She has been my sister, mother, mentor, friend, and goofball at different times and when I needed different things.  In a year that has had many losses and changes I am glad she waited until THIS year to leave the show behind her.  She was a set of  training wheels when I needed her the most and now as she is parting it is time to ride my bike. 

     On today's show these were some of the important things said:
"Everybody has a calling.  Not everybody gets paid for it...but everybody gets called."
"You carry whatever you are supposed to be doing...carry that forward and don't waste anymore time."
"You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself and for others."
"You are responsible for your life and when you get that... everything changes.  So don't wait for somebody else to fix you, to save you or complete you."
"There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering...and that is unworthiness...not feeling worthy enough to own the life they were created for."
"There is a difference you know between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of happiness." 
"Every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire...Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?"
     The universe does shout indeed.  Some of these very things were thought about this morning and even talked about.  It has been a big week in my quest for the new.  I am pushing a bit harder this week.  I realize that in the moments I am uncomfortable with the quest or the post...it is because I am doing something challenging.  Something hard.  I have been slipping and letting outside influences or voices quiet my own voice.  I am letting fear in.  I am worrying.  When I push I know that I am getting stronger.  I am listening, I am growing, I am learning, I am reaching and like her or not she has had a little something to do with that.  Now...if you don't mind I have some aha moments ahead of me so I will be needing a good night's sleep.  Goodnight all.  Goodbye Oprah.
    
     

A night of fashion and compassion

     "None of us are home until all of us are home" is the slogan for Project H.O.M.E. out of Philadelphia.
Project H.O.M.E. (Housing, Opportunities for Employment, Medical Care, Education) empowers people to break the cycle of homelessness, address the structural causes of poverty, and attain their fullest potential as members of society.
     I was very lucky to be invited by my dear niece, Theresa, to join her in a special night in a fancy Philly hotel at a fashion show.  (Chuck, thanks for the tickets!) Now my first thought was...FASHION SHOW....UGH!!!!  What in the world am I going to wear???  This is ME we are talking about.  The girl that was grateful that at her new job she was asked to wear "clothes you don't care about getting dirty" because we deal with paint and glaze and dust and dirt.  The girl who has two children and an overzealous pooch and therefore has stains and holes in everything.  The girl (and I kid you not) that STILL wears things I have worn in college (if they fit). I'm 38...do the math.  Anyhow...fashion is something I strive to attain someday.  The ability to know it, buy it and strut my stuff in it is a long term goal but low on my list of priorities in my current life. 
     The only thing that could drag my droopy, stained and outdated butt out of my fashion hole was a night in honor of a special cause with someone I consider to be pretty special herself.  So I found some halfway decent outfit and accessorized as best I could and even wore strappy little shoes that made me want to cry by the end of the evening. 
     We were greeted by a plastic glass of white wine and made our way through the crowd to the festivities.  Sponsors were there touting their goods and a raffle was being held.  We placed our tickets into baskets with the hopes of winning some goodies.  We also tasted a few of the morsels of food going past us in the crowd.  There was some entertainment and lots and lots of cameras with very fashionable people to photograph.  We were even asked to pose for a shot (even if only appearing in the magazine in Theresa's head).   Then the true event began...
     The show had a famous emcee...Emme...the woman who gave real women everywhere some hope.  She was brilliant.  Funny and gorgeous and genuine.  She was announcing the women and the outfits that graced the runway.  They were all shapes, sizes, colors and ages.  Oh, and from all walks of life.  Some were famous business women,  news anchors and meteorologists.  Others were women who had fought bulimia or were inspirational speakers.  Some were survivors of cancer.  Still others were women who had battled addiction and homelessness.  There they all were strutting their stuff in a celebration of women.  Women.  We are all self conscious about something, all have needed encouragement from time to time, are daughters, sisters, friends, mothers.  There we all were enjoying how beautiful women can be and I don't just mean the outfits.   Tears came to my eyes as the stories were told of the struggles of these women. Some had to find a safe place to raise six children while they were battling drugs and no education.  Others had to find their way through the challenges of being a strong woman in a man's business world.  Some had to fight their way through eating disorders.  They were athletes, business women, teachers, volunteers, lawyers, recovering alcoholics, accountants,  and grandmas.  They were women.  Strong and successful and proud each in their own way.  And man did they make those shoes look good. 
     It was a crowd full of energy.  It is a group dedicated to helping women and families find their way home.  H.O.M.E.  It was a beautiful celebration of the outcome that can happen when people rally together and help one another.  The vibe of compassion and love overpowered the need to be thinner or more wealthy or any of the other darn things that get in our way.  It brought us all back to what really matters.  A true inspiration. 
     If you feel compelled to do something good today please consider a donation to a wonderful cause and don't forget to tell the women in your life how wonderful they are for all of the reasons that make them shine...with or without the sparkly shoes.

Columcille

     I have lived mere minutes from a very unique place that I have heard about but never been to.  Today despite the weather we ventured to Columcille, a park dedicated to rock formations and nature and the peace found within it.    A very special gate and a sign at the entrance greeted us with the following:
     "Columcille is a place and space.  A playground where the human spirit can bounce on a voyage into myth and mystery with earth and spirit.  A listening post...where the veil is very thin.  As you voyage through the infinity gate into infinity remember the words of St. Oran..."The way you think it is may not be the way at all."  Come as you are.  Go in peace."
     At first I thought the weather would be a detriment.  The fog was so heavy while traveling up the mountain that I almost thought about going back for safety reasons.  I went on though.  I told the children that instead of fog I was sure we were touching very low clouds.  In response, they opened their windows and tasted the clouds.  Emily said they were sweet.  The misty air proved to be the perfect backdrop for the photographs and event.  It made a beautiful and mysterious place turn mystical and magical as well.  We romped around in the squishy grass taking photographs of boulders, lichen, moss and trickling streams.  Our pants grew soggy with wetness and our shoes became drenched and it hadn't rained a drop the whole time.  The air was so saturated with moisture that you almost felt like paddling your arms to get from rock to rock instead of walking.  The smell of nature was pungent and dense.  We enjoyed our voyage into the damp forest...and even captured a picture that appears to have a white globe formation floating about in the woods. Though it may only be a camera flash trick and completely explainable I'd like to think that it is a hole in the thin veil of the spirit world as the sign has instructed.   I know it will be a whole different experience on a warm and sunny day and look forward to returning there.  In the meantime, we loved our adventure to another world only a quick car trip away.

Blooming branches

     Back in December we had a brutal storm that knocked down many limbs and branches from the tall trees in the yard.   As I walked about surveying the damage I couldn't help but notice that some of the branches were truly beautiful.  I will spare you the list of influences that caused me to begin to collect them.  By the end of my gathering I had a nice collection of sticks.  A can of spray paint made them white and a vase gave them a home on my fireplace in the dining room.  Now what?  I found the perfect little ornaments to hang...blues and silvers so that they could live there beyond the holiday season and well into January when a touch of sparkle seems to be needed more than ever.  I was glad I did because in January I needed all of the shine I could get. 
     Once February rolled around the branches were covered in Valentines and tiny plastic heart beads that capped all of the ends.  March was a certain little girl's birthday and the theme in the room was Barbie.  The tree became home to accessories like shoes, dresses and such and various furniture items were placed underneath.  April...you guessed it...became an Easter treat.  At the end of April I took down all Easter items and it left the branches back to their original state...white and empty.  A sad sight to behold after so much excitement.  I didn't have the heart to get rid of them. 
     If you recall, a bit ago I made my first venture into a Hobby Lobby to help Emily spend her gift card.  One of the goodies purchased was a kit by American Girl to make paper flowers.  Today that book was opened and we sat there and made little paper blossoms.  Layers of color and pattern and sparkle were placed together lovingly  in different combinations.  There were also a few butterflies made to dance along the branches.  It came out absolutely beautiful.  At dinner we smiled and commented on who made the different blooms.  It has been an odd spring as far as the weather goes...lots of rain and cloudy days.  Though I did squeal earlier today with the discovery of a real iris finally popping out of the dirt in my yard (something I have waited about two years for) I am thrilled at the blooming tree in our house.  The blossoms will outlast the fleeting treats on the real trees outside.  For now we can admire them for as long as we need...or until the next inspiration comes along.

Celebrate the rapture with Wild Buffalo Wings

     The food chart has been hanging for a few days now.  It has inspired some healthier habits by the kids (without as much prompting from me ;).  Saturdays mean the farmer's market, breakfasts with fresh brown eggs and some fun in the yard while the sun graced us with its presence.  Dinner included many veggies and the fruit salad was rocking over a dozen different fruits.  THAT being said...we had a nice treat in the middle of a sunny day to dine outdoors in the perfect temperature and eat some finger lickin' wings.  The brand new Wild Buffalo Wings has finally opened and we celebrated the "last day" with five different flavors.  For the record we washed down the bleu cheese with crunchy carrot and celery sticks.   Is it the end of the world if we miss our veggies?...nah...but now I don't have to worry either way.  We are all still here and the pyramid is looking pretty darn full!

Watch the movie Road to Perdition

     First I watched Hello, Dolly and THEN this movie.  Interesting swing of the pendulum.  Maybe it was the high of the musical that was keeping me afloat or the fact that when it comes to these types of movies I can stay somewhat removed.  Was it tragic and heartbreaking?  Yes.  Was the ending sad and unnecessary.  Maybe.  Did it make me cry or bother me the way it had the potential to?  Nope.  The acting was good and the cinematography was beautiful.  It also had a very interesting character I've never seen the likes of before (and I am missing my crime shows) so he sufficed nicely.  It might have had a different impact if it was all that I watched for the night but...as my dreams have reinforced it turned into some odd hybrid called Dolly's Road to Perdition (which I believe is somewhere in Yonkers).

     Additional note:  I realize that this week was a bit less challenging as far as my new things go.  In fact, I fell upon the movie thing a few times.  That's ok.  For those of you who have mentioned trying something like this...well...that's the beauty of it all.  It is YOUR thing.  You can push when you need to or mend a healing heart if necessary.  You can shove yourself if being scared or soothe yourself if weary. You can blow tons of money or spend not a single cent.   It's really up to you.  It's just about the "new" of it all.  It is easy to stay in the old habits or fall back into the rituals of life.  I am trying to find new synapses and new paths and this formula seems to be doing wonders even if I watched a few too many movies this week...

Settin' up Shop

     Remember those walls I talked about painting?  Well, the room has been sitting there...waiting.  Waiting for shelves and boxes and crates and racks.  Today we moved them into the soon to be open gift shop at MudWorks.  One giant blank canvas in which to work stared back at me for a bit.  Challenged me.  Little by little as the pieces of pottery were stacked up waiting for homes it all became clear where they needed to live.  In a few hours the room had been transformed and it is only the beginning.
     After many hours of work a break was declared.  We ran to our seats at a small table where we sat very closely to one another.  We ate a delicious salad prepared by JoAnn.  It was full of all the little treats I love in a salad.  There was a moment when JoAnn stated that it was a special feeling.  It was indeed.  I was glad not to be the only one feeling it.   Time stood still for a second as I realized THIS is exactly where we were all supposed to be... right then and right there.  All of our little worlds have collided to form a new universe. 
     Talk about new...in the five short months I have worked with the Stratakos crew there have been many NEW things and I have them to thank.  I am excited that all those years ago I had the pleasure to meet a girl named, Leigh Ann.  I look back at us then...see where we are now... and am so glad about where we are going. 

Bridesmaids with Jenne

     We giggled.  At the guy we passed on the road to the movie.  At the previews.  At the movie.  On the road home.  It was just what we both needed.  Then again...it usually is. 
    OH, and the movie rocked, too.  Thanks, Niffer. 

Multiple Choice new thing

     a.  painted display pieces for the new gift shop at MudWorks
     b.  dedicated a whole wall to the food pyramid chart, food cards and library books
     c.  watched Red starring Bruce Willis
     d.  all of the above

(Truth is I was supposed to do my first write in at the voting booth as my new thing but my hoodie, some throat lozenges and a movie won out.  If I feel better tomorrow I will try to be more creative!)

   

Job applications

     Picked up some job applications today and dropped them off.   I even went for the type of jobs  I would have worked back then.   If I am going to feel like I'm 18 and starting all over again I might as well go for it.  What was I doing in my late teens?  I was working several jobs, going to school, working out and finding time for me somewhere in the midst of all of that.  So change the 1 to a 3 and let's try this again.
     (Does this qualify as a new thing...it does when a 38 year old woman drops off an application to a pizza man who is old enough to be her kid!  The actual deed might not be so new but the attitude going with the applications sure was!)

Play Gardens of Time on Facebook

     It is my father's 85th birthday.  It means a day of spoiling a man with all of the things that are his favorites (and have therefore been done countless times before today).  How does one find something new to do?  Well, while he is busy playing with your little boy you grab your nine year old and spend a short time playing a new Facebook game.  Together we explored the I Spy type game.  We found all sorts of odd little objects in places all over the world.  It was entertaining and cute AND at one point requested friends or cash to which I responded NO WAY!  No need to worry folks there will not be a new game addiction I promise.  Then it was back to birthday boy spoiling and tomorrow will be back to something a tad more challenging. 

Celebrate Dad's 85th with the Whites!

     It's not every day you get to see a man blow out candles that commemorate such a high number.   Today we did it as PART I of the celebration of Pop Pop.   We dined Cesario style with "pickins".  A combination of olives, cheeses, bread, lupini beans and sopressata was washed down by a tall and wide glass of red wine.  He sat amongst his family and took it all in.  The next round was full of pasta and sauces and sausages.  (Maybe he even had a second glass of wine - a birthday treat for sure.) Finally, fresh rhubarb and strawberry pie and an amazing cake topped off the evening.  The pie making could have been a blog post in itself but we might be making that a more complete episode in the future. 
     He sat on a couch snuggled in with beautiful babies and an entertaining pug.  As little ones ran around in sparkly dance attire and a crafty pooch knew where to sit to get a chunk of provolone I found myself having one of those moments.  The kind of moment when you realize the importance of what is happening.  A man has watched these people grow up for four decades.   He took them on adventures, was there for so many important events, made them all giggle and passed on his wisdom, love and sense of humor.  Today I watched as everyone was sure to return the love of a man who has lived for his family from the moment he entered their lives and along the way as they have entered his.  In these moments of silly memories and shared stories it is so obvious that the driving force for all of us is love.  His unconditional love, his never-ending support, his constant quest for giggles are all reasons a family came from miles around to celebrate.  And since he is so special...tomorrow he gets a second day!
(A special thanks to the Whites...a family we are all lucky to be a part of!)

Will with Dad at lawyer's office

     Put the coolest lawyer ever, Lori Cerato, with my goofball Dad, my 5 year old Ethan and myself and you get one of the silliest WILL and POWER OF ATTORNEY sessions probably ever conducted at her office.  Because ya know, those decisions are taken lightly and are only discussing things like his death.  Sometimes the "easy" is hard and the "hard" is easy.  In either case, I'll take the Jolly Rancher for the road and be glad this dreaded event is over. 

Sing Sarah Bareilles (Gravity) at the top of my lungs while driving on 115 with the sunroof open and the windows down.

 Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

I sang so loudly my stomach hurt by the end of the song.  More about this little ride can be found where I crumble (as well as the song itself). 

Ella caught her first frisbee!

     Ella is going on 9 months.  When I look back at pictures I can't believe that my tiny little puppy is huge now...and she's not even done.  She is an energetic and excitable pooch and loves to say hello to everyone.  Everyone.  She made her first break for it the other day.  Luckily, the call of my voice brought her running back down the street.  I don't need that kind of stress these days.
     When we first got Ella she attended puppy school.  With some training she quickly picked up little tricks and commands like: sit, stay, lay down, roll over, high five and the classic "give me your paw".  I also have her running through a tube with the dreams of someday doing agility with her.  (You DO know my thing about training dolphins, right...this might be as close as I get!)   I know she is a retrieving dog and since I'm not a hunter she'll never fully live to her potential but I'd like to think she can do all sorts of stuff.   I swear since childhood I have pictured sunny days playing with a dog that could catch a frisbee in its mouth...today that dream was accomplished.  Now it wasn't all that glamorous mind you...she was just standing there and it took a few tries but she did indeed catch it.  She caught a second try as well.  Did it take about 60 throws?  Mmmmmmaybe...but that's ok.   Trying things over and over seems to be one of my themes in life. 
     My tiny chocolate lab has been a dear friend this year.  As a pup she licked my Mom's face and snuggled with her every chance she could get.  She has been the best companion ever for the kiddies.  She has heard me cry from a different room in the house and ran to snuggle with me and lick my tears.  We call her tofu.  She takes on the vibe of the person she is with and the mood that needs to be at that moment.  Today was a productive day.  I realized that I needed my new thing and asked Ella if she would oblige.  She did as any good dog would do.   She caught her first frisbee.  Next, we have to find a dock to leap off of because I'm pretty sure she can win one of those long distance jump contests.  ESPN 5 here we come!!!

Paint the new gallery at MudWorks

     It's always fun to have  a white canvas with which to play.  Today a couple of us ladies painted the soon to be gift shop at the new headquarters for MudWorks pottery.  I enjoy painting and the colors made it extra fun.  Colors like...Cathedral Blue, Pumpkin Patch, Golden Cricket and Mustard Seed.  My hands, shirt and pants can speak for themselves.  These colors will be a beautiful backdrop to the gorgeous pieces of pottery that will line the shelves. 
     On the way home I couldn't help but notice color a bit more.  It is a gorgeous sunny day and the sky seemed extra blue.  Trees are many different greens and the buds, blossoms and flowers seemed turned up a notch on the color scale.  Today, some color was bought to my world literally and figuratively and I've always been a sucker for color so I am a happy girl. 
     And to my painting partner in crime a special thanks for the conversation about life and loss and all of the trials and tribulations that go with it.  See you Thursday, MJ!

Read a book written in part by my high school buddy, Dana!

     The Mini Marriage is an amazing journey of young marriage and divorce.  A while ago my friend did a status update and mentioned this book...I did a double take as I realized she was one of the authors as well.  I ordered it from Amazon and was very excited when it came...it's not every day you get to read a book written by someone you know.  I had no idea of the timing of it all.  See, I held out on reading the book because not only was it to be one of my "new things" but I also wanted the proper time to dedicate to it.  After a day spent kicking my to do list's ass...I knew tonight was the night.  But as I said a few lines ago...I had no idea of the timing of it all.
     JUST this morning I wrote a blog post about feeling like a train off of its track.  I was feeling lost.  Nothing seems to be sure right now.  Much to my relief this seems to be a common feeling amongst people going through a separation.  The themes were all there for me in black and white.  The stages of grief....ahhhh, so THAT'S what all of that was!  Now it makes sense.  Dana did an extraordinary job in defining the experience.  She made sense of it all.
     We have more in common with the process than I thought.  My puppy and her pooches were a wonderful source of unconditional love.  She went with a journal and I go with a blog but they both serve the same purpose.  I too reflect on the past entries when needed just as she looks back at how far she's come.  We both have tackled the doom and gloom of it all and replaced those negative feelings with positive ones full of hope.  We found ourselves again (well it's been years for her and I'm still new at this but I'm looking each and every day!).  Dana mentions balance and the need for it after feeling so off balance for so long.  I can't express how this has been a major driving force for me and was being questioned again just this morning.  Balance...ahhhhh, I hope to attain it eventually.  We both lost our mothers to cancer and had that moment when the world goes quiet and in slow motion as you are being told.  Really....the connections just go on and on.  Oh and the book mentions how you should force yourself to do new things that bring you joy.   Hmmmm, guess I am doing my homework for that prescription. 
     Back in 1987 two young girls were seated a few feet away from one another because their last names started with the same letter.  They were friends for four years.  They wore their little Catholic school uniforms and played the role of perfect students.  We were probably both good daughters who went on to be good friends, employees and wives.  And we both hated that we failed at something.  I know our type.  I love that she came to accept the role in all of the mess as well as had the ability to forgive HERSELF.  When it comes down to it there is something very powerful at coming out of it all in an even better place than before you began.  This book was inspiring.  It validated so many of the feelings I have felt very alone with.  It is a tool for hope and encouragement.  I am so happy for her now and the beautiful life she has created.  She mentions the quote, "Out of difficulties - grow miracles".  Funny, because there is a line in a song that I seem to be hooked on lately..."'Cause you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be".  In fact, this lyric comes from the very song that I used on my other blog about this very theme.   
     I ask the universe on a daily basis to give me my message for the day.  Today I was feeling a little extra lost.  Then I heard the whisper that said it is time to read your new book.  Dana, thank you.  Thank you for having the bravery to write about it.  Thank you for the lovely little message that you sent to me.  Thank you for being an inspiration.  I am so happy for you and the beautiful new life you have created...and I am oh so glad that your last name started with the same letter as mine!

Call my long lost sister

     She was probably the one who taught me how to giggle.  Truly giggle.  Long before I realized not to take life too seriously.  Back when we would dance around the kitchen to bad 80's songs.  We would record silliness on my little tape recorder and listen over and over.  We watched bad soap operas and soaked in the sun for hours by the pool.  We went places together and had adventures on every trip to the "avenue".  And we made holidays amazing.  Magical. 
     But we had our moments too.  Most of the time they were just the result of something else.  It was out of our hands.  We were the innocent bystanders at a million little accidents along the road of life.  Those little things turn into something bigger when too much time goes by.  Other things are diminished as too much time goes by...like the connection, the laughter and the love that once lived there.  Adults get crusted over as hurt and frustration replaces the ease of the sisterhood that once overcame all. 
      Then somewhere along the line you start to realize what might have caused so much damage.  You see how life has its way with you.  There is a new realization and respect for all you have both been through.  Empathy grows. 
     Years later you find a new reason to connect again.  You have both lost a mother.  The same mother.  We were probably the only two who knew her like that.  Really knew her.  We both know how much motherhood meant to her.  It was her everything.  And we grew into women that did the same thing.  So lately we have been texting and sending little messages to each other.  It's been years since we've really connected. Until today.  I picked up my phone and dialed her number.  And guess what?  We were giggling within seconds just like the years had never stolen any time at all.  We went right back to a obscure little movie that we both watched decades ago.  It has always been our standing joke.  We have a certain voice we use and get right into character.  Today was no different.  We are now two grown women...with a little more grey and a few more wrinkles (she has 11 years on me so slightly more perhaps) but we still know how to giggle like kids.  I think we always will.  Maybe Mom isn't here to buy flowers for or spoil with her favorite meal but she is still loved dearly.  There are however two little girls missing her terribly and somehow I think she just might have had a hand in how today played out.  She might have whispered to make a call and then again to make sure someone picked up so that the two grown daughters could giggle yet again. 

Purchase farm fresh brown eggs from the CSA

     This year (due to the insanity we call weather)  the plantings at the newly joined CSA are delayed.  Delayed planting means a delay in crops....etc.  I am looking forward to the days when I load up my bags with fresh and yummy veggies and herbs.  I can't wait to pick flowers either.  But for now I have to settle for the farm store that opened today for the first time this season.  I bought a carton of big fat brown eggs.  I hope to make something special with them but I have a feeling that simple and fried might be the way to go.   Sometimes simple is all that is needed.
    

Lined up five little green vases with five little daisies

     Frustrated is an understatement these days.  I take two steps forward and fifteen back...not even just the one.  The flow of my day is broken up into a million little chunks of tricky.  Even cleaning.  But I keep going because that's what I do.  Even in a rant or a breakdown I am fighting myself to be the optimist that I am in my heart of hearts.  Today I dug into some good spring cleaning in my bedroom.  I moved unread books, dusted, vacuumed, reminded the spiders whose room it is, etc...
     It would have JUST been a day of regular old cleaning until I peered over to a little present that I inadvertently left for myself.  Or maybe it was deliberate.  Or subconscious.  Eh, don't really care at this point...just thrilled it was done.  I had a bag that contained some odds and ends from Ikea that were never put out.  (My bedroom is slowly but surely getting a tiny makeover). So today I busted out the adorable little glass vases in the most delicious shade of green.  They were so darn cheap I bought five.  I lined them up on the windowsill and popped little white daisies into them. 
     I can't make everything better as fast as I want to.  I can't clean up the messes in my life with the speed of a dyson vacuum.  I can make a window clear again but life gets cloudy.  But what I can do is make something just a little bit prettier than it was just a bit before and hope that the trend continues.

Sold back the gold I once purchased for Mother's Day

     Selling gold is nothing new.  Back in college I sold some junk to buy a guy a box set.  Later on I sold some to pay bills.  More again to buy Christmas gifts.  And lets not forget the month I needed to in order to cover the car payment.  Yep, gold is no longer in fashion AND it's worth quite a bit these days.  Being an Italian in the Bronx meant you owned your share of the stuff so it's been lucrative all these years later.  But today was different.  I sold some of my mother's old pieces.  It was one of her requests as she rattled off an odd to do list in the hospital.  I went for specific pieces today.  Let's rewind a bit...
     I was a kid of about 13 or so.  There was a little Italian restaurant that we would frequent as a family.  We would hit the Early Bird Special if my Dad got out a tad early from work or if the trains were running just right.  It was a wonderful meal and the only place my Mom and Dad agreed was suitable for the standards...mussels fra diavlo, canneloni, manicotti...etc.  These were meals made at home the "right" way.  After a weekly visit for months or so for my Mom decided she needed to be there more often and took a job waiting tables.  The money was nice and she used it to treat us to goodies but it was the excitement that sucked her in.  It also sucked me in somehow because there I was (illegally) waiting tables and serving as busgirl way before I should have known what went on in little Italian restaurants in the Bronx.  Across from the "coffee" place.  (Think Sopranos if you aren't following me thus far).   Anyway,  I made really good money.  I  tucked it away and saved it.  I was responsible even as a goofball teenager.  I used some of it to buy an oil painting my Mom fell in love with.  I got my Dad some shirts at Gimbels (I think it was STILL there at the time).  Oh, and for Mother's Day that year I marched into the neighborhood jeweler and purchased the bracelet she had been drooling over in the window for months.  It was $200.  Expensive even for today's standards.  But she was worth every penny.  If I got a tip of $5 for grabbing an espresso for the mob guy it went into my stash.  So it took some time.  She loved it and wore it for years. As the years passed so did the trinkets purchased with my little and big jobs.  There was the ever popular "MOM" ring encrusted with diamonds.  The #1 Mom charm.  All of the tokens of adoration that a kid bought for the Mom she loved.
     Years go by.  Wrists swollen with arthritis no longer allow bracelet wearing.  Fingers that don't function properly have too much trouble with clasps.  Staying in bed is no longer reason enough to put on jewelry.  So it sits in the fancy jewelry cabinet wondering when it lost its glimmer.  When it became outdated.  When it was retired.  Today I took it to the jeweler for cash.  Cash that is much needed right now so much so that I am not sure where exactly to use it.  It was hard selling my class ring, my nameplate and the gifts that I once held so dear...but this was saying goodbye to so much more.  I am holding onto the irreplaceable don't get nervous.  But this was the time for these things.  My Mom was an amazing woman.  I have the memories, the personality traits and the cooking skills to prove it...a little piece of gold can't do that and though they are no longer in her jewelry box...they are always in my heart.

Movin' right along

     So it's been about four months since I started at MudWorks....and just like that they are moving.   I always joke that this crew makes things happen at warp speed and moving an entire company went right along with the protocol.  The building was purchased on a Tuesday and things were being hauled over the same day.  So today we moved the "shipping area".  Now it will have a real home in a great huge space.  The office is adorable as well.  Oh, and did I mention there is a gallery/gift shop in the front of the new headquarters?!?  So many new exciting things to look forward to. 
     So I'd like to personally thank my buddies at MudWorks for moving their entire company JUST to give me my new thing for the day and maybe a few subsequent ones as well.  (Insert giant winkie emoticon here).    On a serious note...I am very excited for them.  I can't say enough how they are living proof that hard work, dedication, teamwork and passion can actually make a company grow all while they bring inspiration, laughter and learning to a workspace!  Congrats!!!
    

Plant my "Year of Seeds"

     I have to say that this Christmas I received one of the coolest gifts EVER!  It was a box that contained twelve little pots for twelve little packets of seeds.  They are a gorgeous array of colors.  Do you know my fetish with little colorful things?!?  Well, I have one and it's big.  I have been stashing these for just the right day.  A day where a little bit of brightness was needed.   Now I realize they were meant to do one at a time for the entire year.  I get that.  It's a great idea.  But I just couldn't help myself.  I want to see them all sprout on my windowsill at one glorious time.  I am also eager to plant them in little pots to go outside on the porch.  
     Hours ago we prepped the little soil pellets.  We all took turns planting the seeds...some so tiny I find it incredible that they can grow anything at all.  Hmmm...sometimes tiny little things can sprout into something magnificent...there's a lesson for ya!
    So to my darling White Family - thank you, thank you, thank you for such an amazing present.  I will update you as to the growth of our little flowering family and will post pics at a later date.  It won't be long before the scent of baby's breath fills the air. 

Wash my washer

     After years of old and inefficient washing machines we finally have a new one.  It's the fancy front loader type with cool settings for sanitizing and such.  It's also better for the environment.  All I know is I was quite excited to get it a few months back.  It came with this little packet called Affresh.  What is this you ask?  Well, apparently you have to wash your washer.  I did not know this.  Sure I have wiped up around the rim of my top loading machines... but give it a proper bath????  Who knew. 
     So tonight the adventures continue with the tossing of a giant alka seltzer type pellet into the washing machine to run for a whole cycle on hot water.  The excitement never stops I tell ya.  Never stops. 

Gummy bear tummy ache

     If you saw my other post then you already know it was a tough day.  My only really knew thing was wearing a shirt out of my mother's closet.  Until tonight.  After an early dinner I started to fizzle out.  My spirit was low and the energy taken up by some extra hard cries left me exhausted...mentally and physically.  Good thing I was high output earlier today because tonight made up for it all.  I plopped on the couch and watched hours of television for the first time in months.  The rule was it had to make me happy or laugh.  I whipped through 5 Ellens, The Voice and am now on my second Glee.  The problem?  What is the new thing you ask??? Well, I was eating gummy bears.  One at a time and slowly.....until I realized the bag was empty.  That realization came only seconds before the stomach ache kicked in.  Yep, I did what I warn my five year old son against all of the time.  I ate so much candy that now I feel like vomiting.  That's not like me.  I am the just take a few and be on my way eater.  So as I rolled off of the couch and climbed the stairs only to plop into bed and start the dvr up once again I realized what I had done.  I felt empty today and actually ate tiny little green, red and yellow friends to the point of pain.  Many of them.  So my new thing of the day wasn't earth shaking but I have the sugar shakes and that should count for something.  

By the way...I am officially a third of the way through my challenge.  Thanks to all who have helped, inspired and encouraged a new thing.  Can't wait for some more suggestions.