Grab our CSA shares

     The rain and the cold delayed the start of the crops but not the excitement.   Today we picked up our very first shares from the farm.  The dry erase board listed our goodies.  First off...were the herbs.  We went with lemon thyme and oregano since mint is never at a shortage in our yard.  Next, we grabbed the beautiful leeks.  I have to say I am the most excited about them because they are one of my favorites.  Then it was a bag of mixed greens and another bag of spinach followed by the most tender bundle of asparagus.  Don't forget the green onions. 
     Now....the fun part...two things I've never dealt with before.  First off - garlic scapes.  I have done some research so I now know that they are the trimmed parts from hardneck garlic and are a special treat in the spring.  After some recipe searches I think I am staying as pure as possible and throwing them on the grill with some sea salt and olive oil to bring out their natural sweetness.  Finally, stinging nettle.  What is stinging nettle you ask?  Well, I have seen this name many times in my homeopathic remedies but have never done anything with the actual leaves.  The warning to wear gloves while picking them up sort of worried me.  Apparently they leave a stinging sensation...hence the name.  Ahhh, it's all coming together now.  When blanched they can be used for pesto and other things but I think I am going with the stinging nettle and leek soup.  Tomorrow will be a fun day of adventure in the kitchen.  I have herbs to play around with as well as a bottle of garlic vinegar to make into some delicious dressing to top off my fresh greens.  I might even slip some chickweed into  the mix. So much to do and it's only the first week when crops are tiny but oh so special.   Ok, back to research and recipe searches!!!

First swim at the pool

     Summer as a child meant long days floating, dipping and swimming in my pool.  I would hit the water as soon as possible and stay until I had to get out to do things like...eat, sleep or the like.  My fingers were a constant state of prune.   When I first moved away from having my own pool I sought out new ways to stay connected to the scent of chlorine.  I became a lifeguard at 18 and spent many a day hearing the ripples of a lap swim or the loudness of a family night.  I used the gorgeous pool at college, the Y and any and every hotel I could find if traveling.  In between real life and work and children I would find moments here and there but nothing like the good old days. 
     Until today.  You have heard me mention Mary before...my Gramary.  The kids could not have a better grandmother and I could not have a better friend and "mom".  After spending some time with us this weekend she gave me a gift that I don't think either one of us realized would be SO amazing.  (Though I did start crying as she told me her plan to give us the pool membership for the summer...and she did tease me a bit.)
     Today is Memorial Day.  A day of hot dogs and watermelon and sunshine and pools.  The squeals of joy came from my children as I told them where we were headed...to the big gorgeous pool we have stood near and stared at for several summers.  It is close and in a beautiful setting.  We threw on suits and grabbed the Pop Pop in his cords and heavy shirt and zoomed on up.  In mere seconds we seemed to be floating and paddling and dipping.  The sun was perfect.  The temperature of the water...divine.  My little Pisces never left the water.  For two hours straight we soaked it all in. 
     I took a moment to face the sunlight and concentrate on the water.  This felt like summer.  For a moment there was a feeling washing over me.  I tried to focus on it.  Be present.  Give it a title.  I came up with one word to sum it all up...bliss.  Bliss.  True bliss.  There I was in the 4' section with sun on my face and laughter in the air.  My children were happy but I was experiencing bliss.  I looked ahead at the summer.  I saw the plans and flashes of things to come...snacks and games of Uno at the cute little tables, naps in beach chairs if I found some time to myself, marble searches with masks and all of the other wonderful things that happen with a pool.  The feeling of sore muscles from too much fun.  Lungs that feel like they've been pushed a bit more each day.  Wet towels and fuzzy curls and tan lines from bathing suit straps.  Nice sleeps from water exhaustion.
     I will value each and every moment.  I will treasure each new sunny day.  I will get there as much as time and weather allows.   I will teach my babies to swim and dunk and play in the water.  It is one step closer to the me I am returning to...and I am so grateful to the woman who made it possible.    Something tells me that the pink cheeks and lightened hair will be all the proof she needs of the value of this gift.  Gramary...for all that you do and for the times you even top yourself...thank you!!!!

Wings at the Gem and Keystone

     The weather was too nice to be inside and the deal was too good to pass up.  Exhausted from a long and crazy weekend the only alternative was something quick and simple...and cheap.  Oh, and we needed to give my Dad a little TLC and if you ask that man what he wants to eat..."wings" is typically the answer.   Plus it contributed to my eating frenzy because in just a few days things will be changing. 
     By the way I just fell asleep sitting up while typing this so I think it's safe to say it's time for bed.  One holiday weekend, a visit from the Murrrr, a wedding, a visit with some family and a whole lot of crazy has worn this family out.  Oh...and there is one MORE day!

The O'Brien/McCauley Wedding

     The weather was perfect as we sat in the sunshine near the gazebo where the ceremony took place.  Tears were free flowing as the couple and their children reminded us all of what love looks like.  Genuine.  True.  Love. 
     The rest of the night was a whirlwind of meeting relatives, dancing, eating, talking and toasting milestones and futures.  Did I mention dancing?  There was lots of it.  I even danced to songs I have sworn off ever dancing to. 
     I wish the happy couple the brightest of futures.  Their love story is as unique as they are.  They have made a beautiful family together and serve as an inspiration to the world.  Congrats, Carrie and Tommy!

Sweaters and sunshine (Part II)

     Somewhere along the line as adults you lose that magic thing you have in childhood.  I have stood and watched my children form instantaneous bonds with kids at the park...random strangers at a party.  There is a freedom in being a kid.  I want to be your friend.  Ok.  So simple.  We lose that as adults.  It's quite sad.   We also grow up and the childhood friends that we once adored become obsolete.  We are no longer compatible when we have nothing to talk about beyond the old diner in the neighborhood or how many times we rode the Scrambler together.  Those bonds are deep and yet fragile all at the same time.  There are also the friends that no matter what the circumstances are there...true and bold...no matter what.
     I was beginning to question life more than ever.   The what ifs.  The if only.   Had I made all of the right decisions?  Did the mandatory career change alter my entire life forever?  Was I doing the right thing by my family and children?  Should I have moved five times in fifteen years. Did I choose the right paths in the right directions?  And the big one...where did I go?  College, jobs, moves, friends, marriage, children, pets, old people...where was I in all of this?  I was gone.  Little bits and pieces of me strewn along the road of life.  Now I was parked on a couch.  Empty.  I got through the day to day challenges with to do lists and color coded charts.  I got up and got dressed and made meals.  I cleaned and decorated and existed.  Merely existed.  Numbed by years of my own silence in a world too loud to hear myself think in.  Why in a house so full of people was I so lonely?
      Enter said "sweater".  Once we got past the countless emails replaying our youth there was more.  We realized how similar we were in so many ways.  Ideals, goals, drives and wish lists were compared and contrasted.  We started to help one another find the very voices that had been silenced within ourselves for years.  We listened just the way we had all of those years ago.  Truly listened.  Dates, classmates, work buddies...they are easy to find.  Friendship is the hard part.  Real, genuine friendship.  We have changed our lives since.  We have moved from the yesterday and into the tomorrow.  It has had its challenges to say the least.  We were once again the hand in the darkness to help pull us out of what we could not do alone.  We were NOT the reason things were changed but the very parachute that we needed when it was time to jump.  And from that we have developed into something so much more.  My sweater has taken on many roles in my current life but it all goes back to the core.  I can truly be myself and not only is it accepted but it is celebrated.  With this power I can find all of the things that made me sparkle and shine and it's just a matter of time until the clouds disperse and the blue skies remind us of how lucky we truly are.  Oh and my Mom...well she got the last word after all because I was finally able to look at him in a whole new way.  Like the mighty oak tree and its acorn...the potential was all there in the acorn the whole time...it was just a matter of the right conditions...nutrients, warmth and allowing it a space to grow.  And don't forget the sunshine.

Tell the tale of a long lost friend....found. (Part I)

     The year was 1984.  Sixth grade.  Not always such an easy time in school.  You are all changing from goofball kids to something that comes next...something I can't really define.  Home life wasn't such a peach that year either.  I enjoyed school for the most part despite the rough year I had prior with the world's worst teacher.  I spent a week at home sicker than a dog.  I still remember that Monday morning and the feeling of desperation to stay at home some more.  It was a funny feeling but whenever I was sick I was usually overwhelmed at the thought of going back.  It was safe at home.  Safe from the ever growing mean girls and the pushy boys that were starting to really bug me.
     I went back.  I had a new seat.  A seat next to a boy named John.  He had always been around but in a different homeroom.  We were in most of the same groups because of our reading and math levels and had even taken a few guitar lessons together...but never really connected.  He lived a few blocks down from me which to a Bronx kid was a whole other world.  We were divided into what felt like countries at times.  I swear some even had borders and "welcome to..." signs.
      It didn't take long to realize I had been missing a good pal with all of those years of neglect.  He was hysterically funny and bright...really bright... and someone that I loved having on my team when we had all of those rounds of Trivial Pursuit.  He also got me.  He listened as I ranted about various things that I held important...ya know, like how many songs had colors in the lyrics (Karma Chameleon was a winner) and other odd little ditties.  For some reason he was one of the few people I felt comfortable around.  No matter what strange facts popped out of my ever moving mouth...he stayed and listened.  He was kind and safe and funny when no others really were.  He was in his own group of one when other boys needed to be dodged.  As I began to look at him as a safe place to grow into the me that I was becoming I had no idea of the impact I was having on his life as well.  His home life wasn't so peachy either.  Two little goofballs making each other laugh...we had no idea how we were saving each other in so many other (bigger) ways.  My mother (who couldn't stand any guy I brought home) constantly pushed me to look at him in a different way.  I just never did.  She saw the potential I guess.
     This friendship continued for years until he moved away.  Die hard pen pals we stayed in touch despite the move to neverland.  We would visit from time to time through high school and maybe make an occasional phone call but it was just never the same.  One thing remained though...a bond....unique and strong.  I invited him to my "high school graduation/say goodbye bc we are moving" party.  He came.  It was like no time had ever passed.  We could jump right back into conversations complete with ramblings and excitement like no others.  We said goodbye as I did to many people that night.  Would I still get postcards and letters and Christmas cards?  The answer is no.  We parted that day in June and were nothing but a dear memory to one another.  For years.  Decades.
     For some strange reason I joined Classmates for a bit and was lucky to find some dear old friends.  It put me back in touch with grown women who were just mere teenagers when I last saw them.  We had families and children and careers and it was fun to catch up here and there about our long lost lives.  When I saw his name as a new member my heart jumped in my chest.  My dear sweet friend...could it be?  It was.  The two goofball teenagers that wrote letters about music, travels and family became pen pals once again.  This time we used no paper or envelopes but words on a computer screen.  Emails proved that no chunk of time nor years of separation could keep two silly little kids down.  We spent weeks discussing the old neighborhood and the school.  We discussed teachers and the theories that went with them.   He is a teacher now in the very same neighborhood where we grew up.  I have a teaching degree as well...so LOTS and LOTS of teacher stories.  We discussed everything from all of the special ed students he had to how different the old neighborhood is now.  We caught up on the professional aspects of our lives.  Then we caught up on the old friends we used to know (even went to a reunion that put us all under the same roof after twenty years).  As we started to trace the steps of our youth we realized that the two smiling idiots in grade school were so much more than buddies.  He was my "sweater"...a safe and warm place when things everywhere else seemed to be cold and falling apart.  I was his "sunshine" in a world full of darkness.  All that time we never knew the full extent to what we were to one another.  We didn't know much about the parts of your family you don't share.  All these years later and we finally thanked one another for being the hand that pulled us out of the darkness.
     But as history was repeating itself we became a pocket of brightness in a world that was growing more dreary by the day.  We were laughter and jokes and giggles as the day to day sadness of adulthood was kicking in.  But as adults we added empathy, support and an honest look at life from a new perspective.  I found him to be a form of therapy.  He would listen and encourage but he also was honest and made me look at myself and the things around me.  I did the same for him.  We were an objective voice, a subtle push or a hearty nudge when needed.  I was being reminded of the things that the little eleven year old had forgotten.  We gave each other a new window with a new view on life and discovered that once again we were a the sweater and sunshine to one another that we always had been.  Stay tuned for Part II...

Watch the final Oprah show

     We all know Oprah.  Five little letters placed together are known all over the world.  Some adore her.  Others abhor her.  But she is known.  I have recorded Oprah since I got my dvr years and years ago.  At the end of the night or early in the wee hours of the morning I would check the topic.  Some never made viewing time on my television.  Others changed my life that particular day.  Messages I was supposed to receive at the time would find me.  Sometimes it was a good book.  Other times it was a life lesson.  At times it was just some pure and simple entertainment.
     If you are close to me you know that a couple of years ago I was inspired by Oprah to read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.  I read the book chapter by chapter and was thrilled to talk to anyone who would listen about the life changing lessons that I had learned.  Oprah announced a weekly webcast on Monday nights to cover a chapter per week of the book.  I would read it and snuggle up in my favorite big blue comfy chair and listen to the author, Oprah and various readers adapt it to real life.  It came at a time I needed it more than I even realized.  Looking back I know the value that it brought me.  It was my kick start to a shift.  It cleared the cobwebs in my brain and made room for the reading, the growth and the thought process that I had so missed.  It was just the beginning. 
     Oprah has always honored teachers and mothers.  Two for two on that one.  There were shows that showed me that women could be real.  It is hard being a mother.  It is hard being a working mother.  Some shows reminded me that I didn't have to be perfect...I just had to do my best.  Other shows prepped me for being a daughter to a sick and aging parent or one that is slowly forgetting his life. Wives reached out to me with words of wisdom about relationships and the difficulties in marriage.  Doctors yelled about how we eat, how we live and what we need to change. 
     Oprah opened my eyes to some concepts that I use all of the time.  Things like how the universe will whisper to you and if how you don't listen...it will shout. I say that all of the time now and I believe it to be very true.  She has been my sister, mother, mentor, friend, and goofball at different times and when I needed different things.  In a year that has had many losses and changes I am glad she waited until THIS year to leave the show behind her.  She was a set of  training wheels when I needed her the most and now as she is parting it is time to ride my bike. 

     On today's show these were some of the important things said:
"Everybody has a calling.  Not everybody gets paid for it...but everybody gets called."
"You carry whatever you are supposed to be doing...carry that forward and don't waste anymore time."
"You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself and for others."
"You are responsible for your life and when you get that... everything changes.  So don't wait for somebody else to fix you, to save you or complete you."
"There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain and all of our suffering...and that is unworthiness...not feeling worthy enough to own the life they were created for."
"There is a difference you know between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of happiness." 
"Every single person you ever will meet shares that common desire...Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?"
     The universe does shout indeed.  Some of these very things were thought about this morning and even talked about.  It has been a big week in my quest for the new.  I am pushing a bit harder this week.  I realize that in the moments I am uncomfortable with the quest or the post...it is because I am doing something challenging.  Something hard.  I have been slipping and letting outside influences or voices quiet my own voice.  I am letting fear in.  I am worrying.  When I push I know that I am getting stronger.  I am listening, I am growing, I am learning, I am reaching and like her or not she has had a little something to do with that.  Now...if you don't mind I have some aha moments ahead of me so I will be needing a good night's sleep.  Goodnight all.  Goodbye Oprah.