My Mom has been gone for 3 months now. Some days I am great and relieved that she is free of pain and worry for the first time in her 75 years. Other days I hear her calling me from down the hall or grab an extra plate to set the table because I have not accepted it yet.
The kitchen table has been buried since she left us. It is covered in piles...some sorted carefully and some thrown in a heap. There are catalogs that need to be canceled (my prior post on this subject was only a fraction of them). My mother donated to EVERY cause under the sun. I have been handwriting little notes to them to update them on their biggest supporter. I have a pile of bills to pay. My 84 year old father knows NOTHING of paying bills and even less about how credit cards work. I will explain and organize yet again but he'll forget soon enough and I'll have to start all over again. There are medical issues, funeral papers and all sorts of newsletters from the bereavement group. Tax time is coming. Budgets need to happen.
I also wrote notes of thanks, called many people and tried to help figure out the future for all of us left here in the mess of it all. I have lots to do. I cook in a kitchen that faces the table. I walk by it to feed the bird. I see it every morning when I drink my coffee and say goodnight to it as I lock the door. Today, after 3 months I tackled a good portion of it. I filed and clipped. I sorted and purged. I found the table.
The optimist in me needs to remind you that we have a lovely dining room. We sit every night at the table as a family and talk. There is no more tv at dinnertime. In fact, with that table blocked up the tv is rarely on at all. This makes me very happy. It takes 3 months to make a new habit so if the new one is to enjoy each other at mealtime without distraction then it served its purpose. It was time to dig in and clear some more space for the present. I feel lighter already. Plus like a woman who still blames the 3 year old for baby weight...I couldn't keep using anything as an excuse for the table being hidden. I found the table. I found some relief. I found some peace. Now I just need to find the TO DO list because it is buried somewhere on the counter....
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