Ethan got another free haircut from Mom tonight. Might be one of my better ones. But instead of throwing him in a tub full of warm bubbles and whales and submarines...I made the executive decision to throw him in the shower. We've done the bath thing forever and even graduated to the quick bath which was sort of a hybrid of a shower and bath...but never the full on shower. He wasn't so sure at first but by the end was requesting more time because he loved it.
I was excited for him...then it hit me...was I behind? So of course I had to research it. Turns out the age of 6 is the right age to shoot for the solo shower in conjunction with some guidance and temperature monitoring. Just another example of mother's intuition.
Just a few weeks ago I took the "baby" towels out of the closet. I washed them and put them in a pile. The pile is still lingering. I might need them for a visiting child. Oh come on...let's be honest...I just couldn't do it yet. Then it hit me. It really is all going away. The baby stuff...the toddler stuff...the pain the ass 3's and 4's. Little Man is 6 and Emily is about to turn double digits.
I am slowly but surely trading in silly bedtime stories for chapter books. Moving up from basic skills to life lessons. Saying goodbye to juvenile cartoons for more sophisticated ideas. Karate is replacing tumbling classes. It's in moments like this a mother wonders what will become of her. A title is given to you and you form a life around it. Those little milestones are your energy...they pass from one to another...new challenges...new successes. What do you do with yourself as they grow more independent? Of course your heart swells with each new victory...but in the very next heartbeat there is a loss...a mourning. It is one breath closer to them not needing you in the same way ever again. I get through these times with a new list of goals...a new batch of ideas...a fresh look at the future. But as the tears flow down my face and into the mommy well of yesterdays...I see so many of the moments that have defined the last decade of my life.
I am grateful for the lessons that I have taught them and for the ones they have returned. I carry them with me always. My darling little baritone tooting, piano playing, karate kicking, smartie pants...my sweet, sensitive dirty blond snuggler learning big words and how to count money...and the little soul that I never got to meet. If I'm getting this sentimental over a shower I might be in trouble for the big things coming...
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