New Blog Title

     I am still a member of the sandwich generation.  I take care of an 86 year old man who still misses his lovey and is forgetting our whole life more and more by the second.  He is cranky, always cold and usually complaining.  I miss the man who raised me but he's my Dad and I love him so I take many deep breaths a day and try to remember the guy who let me play whatever music I wanted in the car as a kid.  Oh, and how awesome of a father he always was.   I have an almost eleven year old daughter.  One moment is picking out nail color and talking about boys..the other is nagging about piano practice and picking up dirty socks.  It's a strange place between a little girl I am mourning the loss of and a new and exciting future with what is ahead of us.  Memorizing speeches means teaching life lessons and to do lists mean instruction on how to balance time, energy, resources and finances.  Little man just turned seven.  I cling to the moments he still wants a hug and my heart beats a little stronger when he smiles at me as he comes to the car at after school pick up.  I know these days are fleeting.  In between all of this I take care of a home too big for this family, work part-time, parent like nobody's business and have a zoo of pets including a fish, a parrot, a chocolate lab, three cats and a hamster.  There are piano lessons, karate, extra projects from the gifted program, sleepovers, holidays and themed over the top birthday parties.  Also, I am blessed with family I love like friends and friends who I love like family.   With that blessing comes more things to do, more people to care for, more worry for those I adore.  I do it all and I try to do it right.  The past few years have also been pushing me from a life I have lived for half of my years on this planet to a whole new one...with many changes, challenges and choices.  It has been hard.  My weight is stuck on heavy, my sleep is trapped in insomnia and my clothes are as worn as my body and spirit...but I am claiming a new year of me.  My old blog title was supposed to be about keeping the balance between all of these directions in which I am constantly pulled.  In one day I may have to battle the tears of a grieving family who has lost their matriarch while doing five loads of laundry.  I may have to feed over a dozen living souls and do so with flair and energy.  There are floors to scrub, novels for the book club to read, rooms to clean out and bills to pay all while trying to remember to be present and make the most out of life.  One thing through all of this has kept me sane...even beyond the countless conversations with dear friends, hours of therapy, oodles of positive thinking quotes and books about growth...my challenge to DO THE NEW.  As the first year began I remember the feeling of panic settle in as I thought it would be impossible to do something new each day.  As the first year ended I knew I was not ready to quit my quest.  At the end of the second year I discovered that some days I did so many new things I didn't even realize I was doing them...or had to choose which one I blogged about.  Not a bad switch from someone who ordered the same dish from the Chinese place since she was a child.  Wires are reconnected.  Connections have been created.  Loops were destroyed and replaced.  How can I stop now?  I have so much more to do and so many more adventures awaiting.  But the old title doesn't make sense anymore.  I have embraced my sandwich and its limitations and each new thing can be new for all or some of us depending on the day.  It makes me a better parent, daughter, caretaker, friend, partner and employee.  The focus, however, is on the NEW.  So a new color, new background and a new title will take me into this new year!!!  Thank you for staying with me on my journey!!!