Emily's Spelling Bee

     You know those moments from childhood that define you?  Well, I was a good speller.  I made it through many years of school with one spelling error on a test.  The word was "bones" and it was  the second grade.  Mrs. Parisi was my teacher.  I had a dog and I used to feed her the popular treat, "Bonz".  I was confused at the ripe old age of seven and put the wrong spelling on the test.  Think I was scarred a bit?  I remember walking down the huge stairwell with my mother as she expressed quite sternly her disappointment with the error.  After that, I never had another spelling word wrong.  Eight years. One word wrong.  Bonz.  So it was safe to say that I would also be in the school spelling bee each year.  Though a good speller I was quite shy and would eventually choke on my own fear and the wrong letter.  In the eighth grade I made it as co-champion of my whole school and went on to the Bronx districts.  I was doing well until out in the crowd I spotted my own mother.  I heard my word...saw her face...and the whole world went quiet.  It was one of those panicky moments when you don't hear right and things start to look funny.  Adrenaline does something huge to me.  Like, I think I have a problem with it.  Anyway, the word was "alkali".  I only remember the ding of the bell and the sad defeated walk to the stairwell that took me off stage. 

Fast forward to present time and a little fifth grader jumping into the car with excitement in her voice.  She had made the district wide fifth grade spelling bee.  On January, 29th I sat in the metal chairs in front of the stage and watched.  I smiled.  Gave her the thumbs up when needed.  Held my breath between letters.  I also sat there knowing I had broken yet another loop.  She did well and as we hugged afterwards, she thanked me for being there.  She said it made her feel better.  I care much more about THAT than I do about her misspelling a word.  She was one of the finalists so this victory will take us on to another part of the journey.  This time we will prep and practice so that confidence can back her up as much as skill.  When we know better we do better.  Sometimes we even spell better.  Good luck, little girl, and thank you for another life lesson in healing.