To NOT have swollen and puffy goldfish eyes today...

     I realize this sounds like a flake.  It's not a positive and measurable goal with a success or failure...or is it?  You see, I had a HORRIBLE night.  My 8 year old came to me around 2am with breathing difficulties.  My dog was a whining mess.  My own coughs would periodically wake me from my slumber as well.  But then the nightmare happened.  It was very vivid and very real and they are the ones that get me the worst.  In my dream I went running into my Mom's room excited about something.  I had a story to tell and a handful of the prescription drugs that she needed to get through a given day.  She was excited as always to see me and knew that a tale was about to follow.  The rest is too sad to put on all of you.  All I know is I woke up in a sob like none I've ever recalled.  

    I have been buzzing from event, to job, to blog, to task, to chore, etc and saying that I'm doing just fine.  I even let my therapist know that we could wait until later in the week because  I was "doing so well". HA!

     The truth is the dream reminded me of the loss that I've been avoiding.  So many new things happening and nobody to run in to tell about them.  No words of wisdom from a soul who, though burdensome at times, really did live for all of us. I can imagine how she might have  reacted to things or figure out the language she would have used but the substitution just doesn't seem like enough.  

     So I'm halfway through the day and the tears have welled up at least twice but I'm keeping true to today's goal. I stayed busy at work, had a nice lunch with a friend, will see my cherubs in mere minutes and will have dinner, chores, etc to keep me busy.  Tonight, if the snow is kind I will even have coffee with a friend.  Once it hits midnight, I can't make any promises.  I do promise, however, to have a more positive goal for tomorrow's new thing of the day.