Mercury must be in a good place up in the sky because my need for communication is in overdrive. So far today I have written a lengthy email, a tricky email and a handwritten note to all different people. I started with one and couldn't stop. I don't seem to have the capability to just sit back and let things be...I push. Sometimes people need it. When you go to a funeral you all stand around and talk about the things you wish you could have said or done with that person. But they are gone so it's too late. I feel it is more painful to have the person right there and lose the chance. So somewhere in that reasoning I find it too hard to wait. What if this is the last day?
Somewhere around high school I started one of my many life philosophies. If you don't have something NOW and you take a risk and you are shot down...you still have nothing. There is no loss there. BUT, if you take the chance and something comes out of it...well, then you win. It has kept me going when I could've backed away from things. Combine that philosophy with the "life is too short" mantra and you get what I have been trying to accomplish lately. I am celebrating the life that I have been given. I can mourn and cry and feel sadness but if I get the chance to laugh and love and learn...well I'm doing THAT in a big way.
These letters are a risk. They will also determine a great part of my future. But I don't think it is fair to have feelings that you need to express and not pass them along. It is almost like robbing someone of the truth. So I will take my chances. I will wait for a change. I will be hopeful for a good outcome but I will accept what the outcome will be because I know that I did all that I could have done. Hopefully, where there is truth and love something beautiful will flourish. Now, I must find a carrier pigeon and get the fire going for my smoke signals...
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