Mother's Day is bittersweet now. It is the celebration of a job well done as I look at my amazing children with pride. It is a day to miss the woman that I want to thank for giving me a road map for this thing called motherhood. And I won't even get into the other layers of bittersweet that exist on such a day. But after a lovely brunch up high on a hill comes a peaceful afternoon of rest and ease. It is a day to be selfish. A day to reflect. A day to be proud of my biggest success. I am a good Mom. But somewhere in between the hand made cards and sweet little seedlings that came home from school telling me that I am "the best" I feel that I have left them down. My family tree will have limbs that are missing. Gaps in branches. Pruning.
I watched back to back episodes of Who Do You Think You Are...and my family sat right there with me as I did. Turns out we all love the show. While I watch and wonder what it would be like to fly all over the world to trace my past there is a longing for the mysteries I will never discover. I am sorry that I didn't ask more questions while ancestors were alive and memories were sharp. I regret that I didn't listen harder in my silly youth. I am saddened by the blossoms that didn't bloom. I am crushed by the damage done to my tree by the stormy weather. I wonder about what I can pass along and how creative a person can be when it comes to roots that have grown...and the ones that have been ripped up. The show taught us all something very important. Not money nor fame can change the type of tree you have grown from. We all have some good fruit on our tree and some pests. Maybe one of these days I'll search for the answers from my past but for right now I'm trying very hard to savor the today.
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