I would panic at the gas light. It would come on and bam...a rush to the station. God forbid it came on while someone else was driving. I would nag. Now, I drive to and from work with the gas light on quite often. He's my little friend. He hangs out with other lights. There is one with an airbag warning that's pretty.
Laundry came first. I had a to do list that had to be to DONE. It came first. I had to schedule time to be free and relaxed. Now I live for the moment. Today, after work and before karate the kids asked if we could run up to the pool. This would've been a ridiculous request years ago. Seems silly to do all of that work for an hour or so. Not now. Swimsuits are put on in record time and towels are grabbed with gusto. A book is read peacefully while confident little fishies play water games with new pals they met moments before. Last year I worried about their safety and now I leave that to the lifeguard a few feet away and know that I did my work last year. Now, I read my book. The charts live on because let's face it...they rock... but the rigidity has crumbled away never to be seen again.
My Dad is my Dad. It hit me just today that maybe he isn't doing much because nobody is telling him to. I mean the youngest of nine was probably always given directions. Then he went to school where they told him how to behave and which hand to write with...a lefty's nightmare. Then he followed blueprints and directions of architects. To the 16th of an inch. Then my Mom. He thought the army gave him direction....ha! So it hit me....just this morning. Be specific about what to do today as he had to watch my kids for seven hours. A chart was created but this time it laid everything out for all of them. Worked flawlessly. Turns out he needed more direction.
Take the dog out myself. When we first got the puppy things were calm. Things were nice in fact. I could spend time every few hours walking her and training her properly. Then it all got complicated and tricky. Time is spent differently. There are a team of us taking care of her now. It's not just me. But somewhere in between being a good dog walker and a resentful pet owner with one more burden I stopped walking her. Tonight, I just grabbed the leash and headed to the yard. Instant success...she remembers what it means when I walk her.
I received a few emails tonight. One was about a job opportunity, another was a nice message from an old friend and yet another for a task I would have to follow through on. All three got a quick response and a positive attitude. I am jumping at the chance to do something new. I look for the moments to be honest with those that support me. I am appreciative of good friends and family.
I looked at Facebook tonight. Some friends are: going on a cruise, swimming with dolphins, packing for vacations and celebrating their engagement. Other friends are finished with the school year and have a whole summer to enjoy life. Yet others are buying new cars, new houses and new tickets to fly around the world. There are gorgeous little babies being born, exciting new careers blossoming and momentous birthdays being celebrated. As I look at these things I think....Wow, I am so happy for them. I will admit I was Ms Sunshine for forever but the recent times and changes and past few years were starting to make me a tad angry. I was starting the "What about me?!?!" pity party. I stopped. I have been working on my old ways of being truly happy for the blessings that fall upon the people that I love. Today was a true test that I have switched my thinking back. I was tested. I passed.
These are just a few of the many ways I have felt a shift. A change. The next growth spurt. Heck, I am even admitting to liking really bad pop songs and being damn proud of it. I am finding that my voice is the only thing I truly own and I should stop selling myself short. Are there more changes? Yes. There have been tons. I feel them, see them and think them every day. But today was a lightbulb-over-the-head kind of day. Today's new thing was ME...and because of that it might just be my biggest new thing yet!
No comments:
Post a Comment