Time to Say Goodbye

     I would like to thank you all for putting up with well over 700 blog posts and updates.  Let me explain my journey.  Not the part you know already...the sadness that led to the start of this very blog...but where I have gone on this road.

I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.  But,  I was also the biggest chicken,  afraid of what is on the other side of new.  The voices of doubt rang loud and true.  The new of the day was a means to create a vehicle to be brave.  It pushed me to be a better parent.  There are days when being a mother is the most frustrating thing I've ever known and in those moments it is easy to back away.  It made me present.  It made me creative.  It made me shine on my babies once again.  I have seen the difference in them and watched them grow.  There was some making up to do...for lost time, lost people and lost intentions.  They are the best I've ever done and only getting better.  But it also helped me make changes in my home, reach out to people who intimidated me, send emails, make calls, build bridges, rip down walls, and branch out.  Some days it just got me out of bed...or stopped the crying...or gave me hope. 

This "new" helped me to merge new lives with old, move on from past to present and find the me that had been tucked away.  The journey was sometimes messy.  The results weren't always terrific.  But the motive was never anything but kind.  In these 26 months of doing something new every single day I have grown.  Morphed.  Flown.  I have fallen.  Stumbled.  Crumbled.

I would like to thank those of you who made it a mission to join me, even if only for a bit.  My deepest appreciation goes to those of you who sent me goodies, emailed me ideas and took me to places that were foreign.

My thoughts are with those of you who reached back out to me with your own vulnerabilities.  We have discussed some of the biggest challenges of life with open hearts and open minds and I thank you for that.  You taught me to listen.  You taught me to share.  You taught me that women can be sisters.  We can be trusted to just be kind and loving because we are all one divorce, miscarriage, heartbreak, bout with cancer, or job loss away from one another.  We all feel ugly sometimes.  We all feel old and tired and worn but that little push from a friend, whether far or near, can sometimes be the thing to get us through. Doesn't matter if you are from elementary school or the next door neighbor.  A hand when you are falling down a well is the hand that is important that day. 

I would like thank the people who changed my oh so convinced mind of judgement and opinion and other various Virgo tendencies to knock it the hell off.  I like movies I swore I'd never watch.  I will taste just about anything.  I know that my fear is the only thing that stops me from succeeding in something I was previously scared to death of.  I know failure.  I have discovered many flaws and work tirelessly to fix them and I don't want to wait decades to do it.  I have also accepted the flaws that are just fine to be flaws.   I thank you all for the practice.  The process. The discovery.  The paths.  The doors...some closed, some open...but all a chance to change.  It is the process and the journey that is so important.  That is no longer a cliche. 

The training wheels have been sturdy and reliable but it is time for them to go.  Like a show that should quit while it's ahead, I feel it is time.  It is starting to work in the opposite direction and as I try to ride this bike on my own I don't need the bumpy path just yet.  I will opt for a smooth road until I am even better.

Now, before I go, I must say a few words about social media.  Facebook is like tv.  There are a bunch of channels but we don't have to watch them all.  We can tune in if we feel like it.  It is what you make of it.  I choose to use it as a means to connect with people I might not have been able to.  I tell people when I am thinking of them because let's be honest...it's always nice to hear.  I post pics so that far away relatives don't feel so far away for a bit.  I share ideas,  list menus, make jokes, and tell you what the theme of the day might be.  Sometimes I put up a quote that has touched me.  It is my daily journal because I have never seemed to get along with the paper type.  It is a means to remember all that has happened in this spinny ride I have been living.  It is a scrapbook without glue sticks, a diary without pages and a memory box without the clutter.  It isn't a highlight reel...it is my life.  Some days were bad and sad and negative because I was hurting or down or defeated.  Other days were celebrations of the beloved people in my life.  But the constant chatter of my wall is the everyday that I live...the good, the bad and every bit in between.  I have told a few people this quote, "Make Facebook your bitch!" and I mean it.  Be happy for those doing well.  Reach out to the little frowny face because it is someone's way of asking without saying a word.  But most of all be kind. Also, I have used it to be accountable.  For some reason, like a mantra said into a mirror in the morning, if I post something I feel more compelled to live it.  Those goofy quotes and ecards...well, maybe that day I needed to live the words not just read them, and in posting it I put my pressure on myself to be better.  The weight I once gave this tool to control me and my actions has now shifted.  Now I am in control of it.  Just as someone's words can only have an effect on me that I allow, so to is this relationship we can have with social media. 

So back to the goodbye...it is time.  My wiring is different now.  It was once impossible for me to think of one new thing to do and now I live out several per day...that was the goal.  I might have skipped the reunion because I am not the 110 lbs I was when I graduated high school.  I probably would have passed on meeting new people because my heart was wounded.  I would have stayed safe and tucked and timid...but I didn't.  I asked what would be uncomfortable for that moment in that day and then did it.  Uncomfortable is hard and it isn't the same anymore.  I find myself doing multiple new things a day and having to pick which I might talk about.  Maybe I edit or try to get creative with the story behind the new thing but then the new thing is no longer the focus.  I was starting to worry about the reaction of the reader instead of the purpose of the post and though I have had mostly support there have been some tricky spots that have hurt me.  Now, the writing of the new thing is more of the effort because I thrive on DOING THE NEW...not reflecting on it.  Maybe something new will grow out of all of this but my daily post of my new adventure has served its purpose well.  I have done so much in the past few years and I have so much more to accomplish.  But since the new is now the norm...the best new thing to do is to NOT write about it anymore.  A little twist in the movie plot I wasn't even expecting until a bit ago.  26 months of daily challenges and a post to accompany them...I think that is quite the accomplishment if I do say so myself.  But thinking a little bit differently each day than the day before is HUGE. There can be a grand adventure in the simplest of things and with the people closest to you.  A regular day no longer exists...they are all appreciated and a gift.  I didn't have the money, time or opportunity to eat pasta in Italy, pray in India or find love in Indonesia.  Maybe there were times my expeditions came across as lavish, selfish or extravagant,  but most supported my little zip code and the people I tend to daily.  I did it within the parameters of my job, my family and my responsibilities and helped and supported others as well.  I shook the giant sieve of life and now can focus on the treasure left in the basket.  Sometimes, the new was to let go of something, and now I purge constantly with a plan of creating the environment I choose to live in...not the one I had to live in.  While it might seem like the end of something...in reality, it is just the beginning.  Thank you again for your love and support. 

Plants vs. Zombies Tutorial

     I played this game on a big screen tv with my buddy, Gabby, a while ago.  I never downloaded it onto my phone though.  It is a free app this week and my little seven year old is wild for it so I went for it.  Little did I know that he would be the one with pointers for me.  I think it's nice to teach kids that we need to always be learning whether something or important or something ridiculous.  I love it even more that he can get the feeling of teaching ME something for a change.  I don't know if this game has me hooked or not but at least it made for a fun lesson. 

mmmmm......Brains.....

Oscar App

     Yep, there's an app for that.  I filled it in and did horribly with my scores but it was fun for the quick minute that it took.

Retro Game Night

     I just realized how old we indeed are if the 80's and 90's games are considered "retro".  They might still be around but they have not been played for a over a decade and this game night was a mark of their return. (No pun intended! Our game playing fanatic friend, Mark, came for the weekend to play.)  The kids are finally old enough to enjoy them.  A pile of games were played and a new pile is waiting. 

Goodbye to Mollie's

     There was a restaurant in this little town on our quaint Main Street called Mollie's.  It was a family run business with the team of a mother and son.  It was where you went for breakfast should you have a special occasion and perhaps where you met your friend for a sweet little lunch.  The architecture was unique, the feeling was cozy and the art on the walls was lovely.  The waitresses were the perfect blend of knowledge, comfort and speed.  They knew their job.  The food was delicious, affordable and the choices took you from staple to unique.  If a tourist asked a local, the ever famous question of "where should we go for breakfast?", there was one answer.  It was simple.  Well, the business changed hands.  Once. Twice.  Maybe a third time.  And there was no "charm" in the math.  The sign that was a staple to this town for years was changed and the theme of the new business was ridiculous.  It failed.  It was boarded up.  We all mourned.  There were sad little mentions to one another about missing one of the very places that gave this burg its charm.  This Friday the grand opening of a new business took its place.  The boards were removed and a new bar was revealed.  Though the woodwork was well crafted and the sign looks interesting it has confirmed what we all have feared.  Our beloved Mollie's is indeed gone forever.  Maybe a future new thing will be to check out this replacement.  For now,  I will think back to the lunch on the sidewalk in the perfect warm September air with my best friend for our birthdays.  I will contemplate the countless breakfasts there with my mother and family.  I will never forget the fun little round windows that a familiar face would pop through as you were eating.  It was the perfect way to start a weekend and a comfort beyond the eggs, toast and perfect slice of melon on your plate.  Goodbye, Mollie's, we will all miss you so. 

Flutter: Butterfly Sanctuary

     If there is a real butterfly sanctuary I get giddy.  Bronx zoo, Reptileland, various museums and the wonderful little Bear Mountain Sanctuary in Jim Thorpe...I've done them all.  We've even raised our own little friends right here at home before.  So when a little ad popped up on my phone for a new game about butterflies...I'll admit it, I bit. 

    Flutter takes you into a tiny rainforest complete with a rich canopy of lush leaves and glorious blossoms.  You then get to grow butterflies and feed them.  The sounds are soothing and within minutes I felt a calm come over me.  It was like a pretty little meditation.  I was excited to show the kids this morning.  Need a little break...find yourself a little Flutter.

Picture, Picture

     Wednesday means family game night.  Still not feeling so hot I needed it to be calm but I didn't want to bail.  Picture, Picture was pulled out from the 90's but it was a hit.  You look at a picture and find objects that start with the letters of the alphabet.  Didn't have to talk to much and Ethan got to practice his writing.  Win, win.  "I love game night" coming from your kids' mouths...Win, win, win.

Betty White - Off Their Rockers

     I love this woman! Love her.  This show is sweet and funny and only made me love her more!

Whole Pack of Pine Brothers

     The bag of cherry lozenges says "as needed".  Well, I needed the whole bag.  :/

Bueller with the Kids

     Kids grow fast.  We can be injured by each passing day or embrace the fleeting moments.  We can look forward to the new adventures in simple and complex ways.  This one was easy.  After spending  a day not feeling well, a movie seemed like the way to go.  But a new one for the kids made it even more fun.  The adventures of Ferris had us all laughing again.  I am glad that enough time has passed that I can see these movies with a fresh eye.  I love that my kids get to experience them as brand new!
And who doesn't love a good movie?  Anyone, anyone....anyone?

Cabin Fever Ice Festival

     Yes, we all know I'm a dork so when a tour is offered at the Ice festival I take it.  I make sure we all sit down and watch the video about early 1900's ice harvesting.  And you know what?  It was so intriguing.  You forget or you don't even know what went into keeping life the way it was back then.  We've always had a refrigerator to open up with chilled air and food that was safe.  We don't know the days of ice deliveries.  They showed a picture of an icebox with a chunk of ice and a chicken and some fruit.  So they had to work hard to get the stuff to put into the fridge and then there wasn't much in it.  Hmmmm, and we wonder why the world is obese.  Anyway, the lake region in the Poconos was full of life as the harvesting season would come each year.  Men worked hard hours and horrible conditions for almost no money to get ice from a lake to a series of machines and then to either an ice house or a train.  This ice traveled to major cities around this area and was a lucrative business for the men who owned the facilities.  In the tour we watched the how of it all and saw the tools of the whole process.  But eventually, ice was no longer needed and the communities suffered the same fate as the little towns once known for railroads, logging and coal mining. 

The next room was the glory of the ice itself.  The theme this year was the dinosaur.  Huge pieces of clear crystal filled the room.  There were slides and a bar and several places to pose for pictures.  It was wondrous and magical...and cold.  It made me appreciate winter a bit more than I did before I got there as well as reminded me to be grateful for the things we take for granted. 

Patisserie

     You know those magical houses you see in movies with little nooks for a cushion and a window to read in?  Hardwood floors and a beautiful fireplace.  The smell of freshly brewed coffee and tender croissants in the air.  A big porch awaiting the warmth of spring.  Did you ever need to feel like you are far away in some pretty little town in France?  Well I did...and this little gem in Milford took me there even if only for an hour. 

Octopus

     My Greek work buddy, John, grilled up some octopus for lunch.  He offered me a bite.  I have to say I'm not a fan but I tried to chew it and take in the flavor,  instead of the preconceived notion of what it would be like.  I was on my way out of work though so I tucked it into my cheek under strict directions to NOT SPIT IT OUT!  As I pulled my car out of the parking lot I tried one more chew.  Nope.  So the window went down and the octopus went flying.  I hope that squirrel, raccoon, or skunk enjoyed the delicacy of octopus more than I did. 

Cardiac Tour

     My daughter is in a program at school that pushes her to do a bit extra.  Last year she had to do a "Passion Project" and this year the theme was a project of service.  She still has to tie it all into something she loves or feels something for.  Art and the heart are some strange combos but she's my kid so strange was to be expected.  She named her project Hearts for Hearts and worked tightly with some very important people to bring it all to life.  She made announcements at school, she worked with the art teacher for styles to be tied into the Valentine's and she did the research and work as well.  Every grade made a Valentine in a different art style and dropped them in a decorated box in the school lobby.  On Wednesday, Feb 13, we met with a team in the hospital lobby.  We were given a tour of the cardiac wing which included staff offices, back hallways, treatment rooms, trauma centers and other various test rooms.  We met with doctors, nurses and the head of cardio thoracic surgery team.  She handed out Valentine's to all of them in between questions about when they knew they wanted to do this and what was the best part of their jobs.  The box of remaining Valentine's were to be given out to the patients and volunteers in the wing.  There were photos taken and notes of gratitude delivered.  When we left the hospital she was buzzing.  She was the most happy at how good it all made her feel.  She just might have her heart set on what she'll be doing...pun intended.

Mumford Concert and Midlife Crises

     I work with a man about to turn 40.  I like to tease him because he is the next in line to tease.  I'm ok with the number so far and I know he is too...so it's fun.   Though I did just read something that made me turn my head.  Let me find it and return.

Ok. Found it.  I read this just last night while previewing a Brene Brown book.  I am also writing this on Friday, Feb 22, because I am way behind in my posts.

"People may call what happens at midlife "a crisis," but it's not.  It's an unraveling- a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you're "supposed" to live.  The unraveling is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go of who you think you are supposed to be and to embrace who you are."  

It goes on to list the reasons we can also have an "unraveling" and the list includes things like: marriage, divorce, becoming a parent, recovery, moving, experiencing a loss and working in a soul-sucking job.  Wow, sounds like everyone I know right now.

When a man who loves a group comes upon his big 40 it is our duty to help him celebrate.  When Mumford who just came off of a Grammy win and usually only travels far, far away is going to be right in Brooklyn...you run.  Well, you make him drive.  But you get the idea.  So the MudWorks Crew (John, Leigh Ann, Hannah and myself) went to visit the new Barclay's Center to celebrate all of it.  The traffic was gentle.  The little pub with no windows was perfect.  The $4 Blue Moon early bird special made it affordable.  The parking spot was easy.  And the band...well...they were amazing.  One of the best concerts ever.  But let me return to the midlife crisis.  I love music.  I always have.  I put it on hold for a while to have babies.  But my "babies" are getting older and I have rediscovered the love I have for music.  Instead of diapers and jars of organic baby food I can occasionally treat myself to a concert ticket.  (Plus, the tons I saved on not needing formula ;) So we danced and screamed and sang our hearts out with a band who made a whole basketball arena do the same.  I got over the guilt of being the forty year old at a concert on a Tuesday night and just enjoyed it for what it is.  I wasn't worried about what I was "supposed" to be...but had a blast being exactly who I am. 

And as for the nose ring idea I have been toying with...well, let's just say I'm skipping it.  

Just Dance 4

     When your heart is broken and you spirit is low there is only one thing to do....DANCE!  If Ellen taught us anything it is that.  So, to shake out the sadness and stir up some lovin' that's precisely what we did.  We danced.  There might have been some sweating and as far as activity points go well...I just have to decide which type of dance to pick.  I only wish I could add laughing points as well because this crew was pretty dang funny.  I had saved this new game (still unopened from Christmas) for just the right moment and I'm so glad that I did!

Pernil

     I grew up in the Bronx and foods from around the world were as commonplace as bread at a bakery.  I was lucky to enjoy many delicious foods but even more lucky to share some special meals with people who taught me things along the way.  Though I try to push myself to make different and interesting things for dinner, I'm not sure how this one slid by me all of these years.  Well...I guess I've made a pork shoulder other ways so though we were close it wasn't quite the full experience.  One day to marinate, an overnight to cook and a long day in the slow cooker was worth all of the time.  I shredded up the delicate meat and made side dishes of rice and beans and fried plantains.  It was delicious and is sure to be repeated. 

The Job

     Watched a new show called, The Job, in which applicants battle it out for a new position with a major company.  It's an interview process on television.  This particular one was about working at a restaurant.  It was both entertaining and interesting and makes the job search much more exciting. 

Dark Chocolate Coffee and Dark Thoughts

     I spend more time happy than I do sad.  More optimistic than pessimistic.  More positive than negative.  It doesn't mean life is easy or simple or kind but I've been practicing the art of being grateful.  I say art because like real art it is a skill that can be discovered, worked on and experimented with.  Some days I paint bold and vivid scenes of life and all it is and will someday be.  But no machine goes without days of needing repair and no artist goes without days of feeling uninspired.  This particular Thursday I felt the darkness and sadness knocking quietly at my door. 

I began to think about long lost uncles who have decided that it is in their best interest to no longer have contact with their niece and nephew.  Nor stay connected enough to even watch from the sidelines.  Thoughts of long lost relatives and cousins who seem to have forgotten how to get in touch with me stung as well.  I started to think about the family that had such potential to me as a child but has slowly but surely diminished into a few lingering ghosts.  As a new mother I gave too much to the potential of this huge family full of love and in the aftermath of time, distance, death and life I found myself feeling a bit lost.  I then thought about the friends that were like family and how they too have seemed to drift away as if taken by some huge wave at sea.  Memories flooded in and sadness welled up.  Life is different in many ways and it was stinging something fierce.  I tried to stay unbiased and objective as I reviewed the recent texts sent by a father to a son.  I lamented the loss of parents... whether from death or pride.  I grew angry at people stuck in loops of childhood thinking in a grown up world.  I felt sorry for myself and my children...but only for a moment.  I drove home and pondered life.  I decided that these heavy thoughts deserved a second 99 cent coffee.  DARK CHOCOLATE was a new flavor they were offering.  I went for it.  As I drank the new flavor and sat in a quiet parking lot waiting for my children to bring the second part of my day to life,  I reminded myself of the lessons of the last few years.  

1.  We make it about us.  We do this too often.  I've seen it in funny places like status updates on Facebook.  A message about something simple becomes some cryptic message meant for someone as they read it.  I have over two hundred "friends" on FB...and I bet several think my statement about cleaning out a drawer is somehow about our relationship.  We all do this.  It's because we think in terms of OURSELVES.  So I sat there sipping my mocha goodness and reminding myself that it is about other people and their struggles with life and with themselves that gets placed ONTO me.  When I am in wounded I can take things upon myself but when I am healthy I know better. 

2.  I can only reach out so much out of love and hope.  At some point I have to take that love and energy and put it into myself and my closest peeps. 

3.  I have to be careful to give freely if I do give and to not expect anything.  Some people are better at taking than giving.  Though some have found a lovely balance and never leave you  feeling too full or too depleted...others have not.  They take when they need and then they disappear. 

4.  I have to accept that some people are just the way they are and that their "best" is different from others.  I can't compare one to another because it isn't fair. 

5.  I have to be realistic and respectful of what others are willing to do or give.  I can't take it personally if it's who or what they are. 

6.  I have to take comfort in knowing that though my family tree might be large, the branches and limbs have been weathered in storms.  Some are missing.  Some are broken.  I have to cherish the ones that remain healthy and grow leaves that lead to blossoms and finally fruit. 

7.  I have to accept that where I am in life is where I am supposed to be right now.  Lessons needed to be learned.  Some were more painful than others and the healing needs to begin.  For real. 

8.  I also need to practice my peaceful warrior because there are some things that are just not acceptable and I have been too scared to speak out.  I am trying and have surpassed my old thinking in many ways but I still have work to do. 

9.  One of the biggest lessons has been to believe in my inner voice.  My sixth sense is a bright and bold one and many years have covered it in layers to insulate the realities around me.  I have spent the last few years scrubbing those layers away and it is getting clear to me that I have to follow my gut.  No more allowing others to scam me.

10.  I also have to take responsibility for things that I have done to get me to this place.  Good, bad or indifferent they are all a part of the here and now.  

So,  yes I could sit here and create a list of the people who have tried to "sell the salesman", rejected an invitation to a dinner with my "offspring" and found ways to sling mud for something that had nothing to do with me.  I could whine about the people who are mad at the loss of time and visits and yet have rejected a request for those very same things.  I could cry over the potential of new experiences in a new world of healing with those that are too busy to make time for me.  Maybe I could let anger seep in and fill the cracks of broken relationships instead of trying to repair the breaks.  But then again...that wouldn't be me.  So I give myself some time to go to the dark side and swim in the blackened waters of doom, gloom and despair but then I just crank some appropriate music and get myself a new drink and knock it the hell off.  We all have crap.  I no longer want to be defined by it.  I don't want it to be my story.  No more martyrs.  No more victims.  A few sips and few songs later and I'm back.  And with each sit up...with each push up...with each climb up the mountain... I am stronger.  

Split Second, Again

     The beauty of cleaning out a cabinet full of games...is the spark that is rekindled as you go through them.  A realization that you have a whole new game crowd to play them is a nice little perk as well.  In an effort to claim a wholesome family  night on a weekly basis and a challenge to play some new (old) games we started tonight with, Split Second.  Find a game that can span the capabilities of a seven to an eighty-six year old...I dare ya, it's not easy...but I think I found success on my first try.  It is fast, silly and full of a vast range of tidbits that are sure to reach each person at one point or another.  I had to replace rubber bands on the (not-so-fast) acting little plastic arms which was funny within itself because of the reminder of how truly old we are all getting.  The '92 colors and graphics make it even more clear.  It was fun though and it passed this test of "garbage" or "keeper".  We will be letting our facts fly some more!!!

Celebrate National Pancake Day

     My day "off" was full of catch up from a sickness that confiscated my weekend.  Add to that another organization project and by dinnertime I was out of mental energy to come up with something for dinner.  A text from Tina reminded me that it was Pancake Day and just like that it was set.  We had John's delicious buttermilk blueberry pancakes and bacon.  We celebrated the day with dinner for breakfast which is always a fun way to break up the norm.  And bacon...well, bacon is just good for anything, anytime, anywhere. 

Brazil

     I have promised to be more open minded when it came to movies.  I have huffed.  And sighed about certain choices.  But c'mon, some of them are downright odd and I value time more than most.  But a promise is a promise and a birthday promise has even more clout.  I have declared Monday, "Movie Night" at home and this might lead to some other new ones to write about as the year progresses.  I don't like to write movie reviews though so it always puts me in a weird spot.  I tend to write more about the feeling that the movie stirred in me.  Brazil....well...bizarre.  I had a feeling it was one of those movies that critics and cult film freaks would devour and sure enough after some research, it is.  If anything, at least I am recognizing "good" bizarre compared to just a bad movie.  I caught the Big Brother vibe and the millions of jabs at society, government, religion and class.  I picked up on some symbolism and thought the music was interesting.  I laughed out loud at parts and wondered if that was appropriate or not but found out that it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.  See, I'm gettin' it.  I'll say this...I will remember this movie... and in a crammed memory bank of films that is really saying something!!!

Sick Sicilian Superbowl

     It wasn't a wing and beer kinda party because my little girl was not feeling so hot.  It was a snuggle on the couch with pillows and blankies kinda winter day.  We missed a party and a weekend of fun but not all was lost.  We ordered a Sicilian pizza and plopped in front of the game.  Commercials were laughed at and snacks were eaten and it turned out to be one very interesting game. 

Vine Video

     I did my first Vine video today.  What was more appropriate than filming Ethan's adorable little groundhog project.  Another app and another fun way to be creative and capture some memories. 
Happy Groundhog's Day!!! Here's to an early spring!

If you join or are in... find me! Because Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Blogger, and countless games are just not enough! ;)

The Impossible

     The kids are 10 and 7.  I think it is time to branch out and teach them about more than math facts and geography.  There are things beyond music and art that need to touch their lives.  This movie might be heavy and terrifying but it also shows the love of a family and the brave and compassionate ways of the people who made it through one of the world's worst disasters.  Half of the movie is spent with your heart pounding out of your chest and the other half is spent with tears in your eyes and it is worth it.  It makes you want to do more, be more.  It makes you hold your babies tighter.  It makes you prioritize.  See it.  And take your kids.

Write a Treatment

     Leigh Ann and I talk about the millions of things we want to do to change ourselves and the world.  We have big plans.  Huge.  But by the time we get through work, life, yoga, kids, traveling, therapy, pets, house stuff, etc we are too tired to push for those dreams.  Until today.  Today, Thursday, January 31, the planets aligned, schedules were cleared and we sat down and started something. 

Let the dream become reality.

Paul's Lesson on Kubrick

     Paul, the movie fanatic, sent me a link to a video that changed it all for me.  It was some behind the scenes goodness about the filming of The Shining.  I saw Kubrick and Jack in all of their brilliance.  I was also inspired to read more about Kubrick and it turns out I had the guy all wrong.  Oh those darn decisions we make before we really know anything.  I played the video as I got ready for work in the morning.  In between washing my face and brushing my teeth I saw their world in a way I never knew existed.  I respected them more.  I was intrigued.  Paul, thanks for sharing.

Shone.

Emily's Spelling Bee

     You know those moments from childhood that define you?  Well, I was a good speller.  I made it through many years of school with one spelling error on a test.  The word was "bones" and it was  the second grade.  Mrs. Parisi was my teacher.  I had a dog and I used to feed her the popular treat, "Bonz".  I was confused at the ripe old age of seven and put the wrong spelling on the test.  Think I was scarred a bit?  I remember walking down the huge stairwell with my mother as she expressed quite sternly her disappointment with the error.  After that, I never had another spelling word wrong.  Eight years. One word wrong.  Bonz.  So it was safe to say that I would also be in the school spelling bee each year.  Though a good speller I was quite shy and would eventually choke on my own fear and the wrong letter.  In the eighth grade I made it as co-champion of my whole school and went on to the Bronx districts.  I was doing well until out in the crowd I spotted my own mother.  I heard my word...saw her face...and the whole world went quiet.  It was one of those panicky moments when you don't hear right and things start to look funny.  Adrenaline does something huge to me.  Like, I think I have a problem with it.  Anyway, the word was "alkali".  I only remember the ding of the bell and the sad defeated walk to the stairwell that took me off stage. 

Fast forward to present time and a little fifth grader jumping into the car with excitement in her voice.  She had made the district wide fifth grade spelling bee.  On January, 29th I sat in the metal chairs in front of the stage and watched.  I smiled.  Gave her the thumbs up when needed.  Held my breath between letters.  I also sat there knowing I had broken yet another loop.  She did well and as we hugged afterwards, she thanked me for being there.  She said it made her feel better.  I care much more about THAT than I do about her misspelling a word.  She was one of the finalists so this victory will take us on to another part of the journey.  This time we will prep and practice so that confidence can back her up as much as skill.  When we know better we do better.  Sometimes we even spell better.  Good luck, little girl, and thank you for another life lesson in healing.

Ion

     Another nail polish color.  Mom and daughter needed a little girl time and our nails needed a little fun.  I want the job of coming up with these names!!!

Space Cadets

     This group is always up for the challenge of a new game.  This one made our brains hurt at first but it was fun.  Each participant gets a role and their own little mini game.  These efforts are all joined as the ship makes its way through its various challenges.  It was the first time Hannah joined a game night and I have a feeling it won't be the last! Cadets, take your posts!!!

The Shining on the Big Screen

     If you saw a movie as a kid on the little tv in your living room please give them another try as an adult.  If you can catch it on the big screen even better.  It is a strange feeling to see it on the other side.  I love the revival series at our local community theater and I love the fire it lights within for a world of film I just never knew existed.  I would like to thank Paul, Mark and John for helping me see this light.  We may just have another fanatic on our hands....

Greek Lunch

I've mentioned that Fridays at work mean  a table full of people devouring what was prepared for them.  There is a rotation of cooks.  This week we had GREEK!

     Youvetsi (yoo-VEH-tsee) is a traditional Greek stew that can be made with beef or lamb. The meat is cooked in a rich tomato sauce together with orzo pasta and finished with a heap of grated Kefalotyri cheese on top. This one was made with chicken.

While we ate this yummy dish, JoAnn, shared stories of her teen years and the adventures on a trip to Greece to meet her new extended family.  Leigh Ann also told us the hysterical story of her recent car ride with her father after a pick up from the airport.  We ate Greek, listened to Greek and laughed at the Greek all at once.

RIde with Christina

     The new Christina blasted in my car as this new Christina drove to work. 

Ten Fingers of Gratitude

     I watched a segment on tv in which Brene Brown said something so profound that I repeat it to myself all of the time. 


                                                 " The difference
                        between privileged 
                             and entitled
                                     is
                              gratitude."

     We didn't have the things that children have today back when we were children.  We also are supposed to do better than the generation before.  Yet, somewhere in all of the changes, it seems that people have lost something. I felt like this sentence summed it all up.  We were grateful back then for things that we earned, found, or were given.  Today, it is expected.  This is a tricky place.  So starting today when someone whines or acts ungrateful I pop up ten fingers in their face.  They have to then list ten things they are grateful for.  Maybe this will be the first step in reminding all of us what really counts.  They are good kids but I want them to also be compassionate and caring adults and gratitude will be the key. 

Post from IPhone

I was sitting and staring at my computer exhausted from the day. It was another day "off" when I worked tirelessly as if I would be paid per chore or for overtime. I ate more fruits and veggies in one day than I did all week and logged every measured morsel. I sorted, washed, dried and folded laundry. And there are still mounds waiting for freshness. I dusted and vacuumed and rearranged. I cleared away brittle swags of evergreens and tucked away things for a new canvas to decorate. And in between the tedious and mundane I found things to make my heart smile. In between repetitious and regular I created things that made me happy. When purging pushed me to the brink of tears I moved to something softer and lighter. I have learned something in these forty years and that is how to make the best of something. I was also very excited to do something tonight and chose duty and responsibility over selfishness so I guess I have grown after all. I also changed systems, got out of my way, forged new paths of communication and practiced the ways of the peaceful warrior. I faltered as well. I had many moments of self doubt and fear. I did not make the calls I was supposed to. I left the lunches to be packed in the morning. I let a nightmare haunt me for too long before I approached it with the correct eye. I didn't take time for myself or reach out to those I love. But I did carefully cut and create a collage of photos on my fridge to stare at when it all gets hard and set up my new tiny spectrum of bowls to make the grey of winter just a little prettier. I made a new recipe in the crockpot but for some reason my pork tenderloin with sauerkraut didn't even pop into my head as I panicked tonight because my real "new thing" fell through until another time. The beauty of this new wiring is that the new starts to become the norm and you forget that you've done a ton of new things. You cleaned another portion of her closet without crying. You made the photo collage better than ever. You put out the pretty new bowls in a row. You had breakfast eaten, kids dropped off, laundry started and dinner in a slow cooker with a brand new recipe all by nine. And in between there were other new things. You sit there and realize that all of that happened but because something bigger happened in your head and heart today you didn't even think of those "simple" things. So you sit at a computer waiting for inspiration. I have never posted to my blog by typing all of this out on a little iPhone keyboard. Until now. It's slower than typing on a computer keyboard but it also allows your brain to slow and allows the emotion to creep in between each word. I am tired yes...but I am damn proud of myself for so many reasons- one of them being that I am so truly imperfect. But real. More real than yesterday and not as real as tomorrow but with a sore hand and a stiff neck for attempting all this on this phone. I will go to bed now knowing that I squeezed lots of juice out of this lemon and that it might be one of the best glasses of lemonade ever.

Tres Birthdays

     I believe somewhere around 16 of us gathered together over some pizzas and two types of cake to celebrate three birthdays amongst the cousins.  Life takes you funny places and sometimes the very cousins you grew up with fall away for a bit.  You grow up and move and have families and move and then suddenly you are all living within fifteen minutes of one another yet again.  Decades later.  States away from where it all originated.  Need more of a reason than that to celebrate?  How about the fact that three of them have birthdays days from each other.  So to John, Christine and Tara we all say happy birthday and hope that this Tres Birthdays celebration becomes a tradition complete with chocolate cake for some and the Tres Leches cake for the others!!!

Cake with the Martes

     It's been a long time since Andrea has been to the house.  So long in fact that I had never met daughter number two...and she's five.  Shame on us.  We have reconnected at reunions and have danced and eaten and shared some wine together but this time we ALL got together.  New friendships were made with our little ones and pets were loved in a big way.  We shared some pizzas and some Carvel to honor two people that share the same birthday.  Here's to some more of these visits.  Rumor has it that a date has been set already by an adorable little girl! Can't wait to see you all again!!!

Silver Linings Playbook

     I don't like to do movie reviews but I will say that I loved this film.  I'm also glad that they approached the mental health issues found in this movie in the way that they did.  Plus, a girl can always love a happy ending.

A Whole New Philly

     My Mom was from Philadelphia.  My grandmother and sister also lived there the whole time I was growing up in the Bronx.  We went to Philly often.  Spent lots of time with my sister.  But the "Philthadelphia" that I knew from the 70's and 80's is different now.   I've taken trips there from time to time since of course but my image of the city was biased and unfair.  We tend to do that as grownups.  Part of this new eye that I see the world with has returned me to a youthful optimism that lets me see things for the first time.  This day in Philly was wonderful.  Now I am a little sad that the gritty punk scene of South Street has been taken over by fro yo joints and Starbucks but in the summer I will look at the street with a whole new eye as well.  For a girl that grew up spending a lot of time in this city I sure did experience a whole day of new...

1.  Shake Shack.  I've been to one in NY but never this location.  It was small and not overly packed and the one employee took time to come over and speak with us. 

2.  A few doors down we checked out a comic book store and a record shop.  Both cool.

3.  The shopping district included stops in Anthropologie (the building was worth the shopping experience not really being a huge fan of the store), Mac store, Urban Outfitters and the like.  It's been a long time since I've perused the items in stores like these and though no major purchases happened it was nice to window shop a bit. 

4.  Parc.  Gorgeous restaurant recommended by my foodie buddy, Ryan.  I stepped back in time with the decor and devoured my scallops and pureed celery root with chestnuts and truffle oil.  I see these types of dishes on Top Chef and this evening I got to eat one. 

5.  Red Mango.  A tiny squirt of frozen yogurt with some blueberries and strawberries as dessert.

6.  Louis CK.  These tickets were a Christmas gift to John.  I hurt from laughter after an hour and a half of his hilarity.  I still just randomly laugh if I think of one of his jokes.

7.  Pat's Steaks.  Yep, I went 40 years splitting time between NY and Philly and NEVER ate at the famous steak joints.  Shame, shame, shame.  Finally can check that one off of my list. 

Oh and how could I forget...we started off the whole trip with a surprise detour to the site of Rocky Balboa's house on some nasty garbage ridden street that reminded me in retrospect of the Philly I remember.  All cities have their nasty and their glory but it's finding the beauty in both that counts I guess. 

So to Philly I say...I'll be back...and way MORE often.  I can't wait to take the kids to more museums and more restaurants.  I am way excited to take them to the historical parts.  I will also drive them down the ghetto streets of their grandmother's old neighborhood and remind them that it's never where you are from but where you are going.  Thanks, Philly...for everything.
    

Nirvana & Lumosity

     New nail color.  It's a pretty warm brown that reminds me of chocolate pudding.   It gave me time to do something.  I have to let it dry and it forces me to sit.  If I sit I can think.  If I think I remember things I keep forgetting.  Ironically, this process led me back to Lumosity.com.  I saw a commercial for it the other day.  It is a website designed to give your brain a workout.  We joke about how we play all of these little phone games that waste time but there's something to be said about the exercising we our giving to our noggin.  So I signed up for the free portion and have done one test so far.  Now in between rounds of Gems with Friends and Candy Crush I can at least play a game that is supported by some sort of scientific something or other.  ;)

National Nothing Day

I saw this on Facebook today:

Today is 'NATIONAL NOTHING DAY".........really! Was too good not to share.
National Nothing Day is an "un-event" proposed in 1972 by columnist Harold Pullman Coffin and observed annually on January 16 since 1973, when it was added to Chase's Calendar of Events. Its purpose is to provide Americans with one National day when they can just sit without celebrating, observing or honoring anything.

This was a few hours a snow day had been declared by the district.  I was jubilant.  Gleeful.  Ecstatic.  
Lots has been going on as usual so I was thrilled with the idea to chill a bit.  We caught up on our recorded Ellens and then were actually way more productive than we should've been on nothing day.  

Now back to our regularly scheduled busy...

Palladino & Pop Chips

     La, la, la....laaaaa laaa, la laaaaa, la la. 

     I tried Pop Chips for the first time today. 

    Laaaaa, la, la, laaaaa, la la, laaaaaaaa.

    I also did a ton of chores while...

    La, la, la, laaaaaa, lalalalalaaaaa, la, la, laaaaaaa.

Brand New Me

     New music on my ipod makes me very happy.  On a Monday it is crucial.  When the first song rings so true in your ears that it brings tears to your eyes you have a triple.  Getting to hear Alicia sing it on repeat the whole way back is the home run. 

     I know these words will matter to some of you so though I try not to post too many songs please give this one a read and maybe even a listen.  

     Thanks, Alicia...sorry I forgot about you in my list of women who helped me sing through this past decade. 

Brand New Me - Alicia Keys

It's been a while, I'm not who I was before
You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore
Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame
Had to grab my heart back
God know something had to change
I thought that you'd be happy
I found the one thing I need, why you mad
It's just the brand new kind of me

It took a long long time to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, don't be surprised

If I talk a little louder
If I speak up when you're wrong
If I walk a little taller
I've been on to you too long
If you noticed that I'm different
Don't take it personally
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Oh, it took a long long road to get here
It took a brave brave girl to try
I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
If you were worth a while
You'd be happy to see me smile
I'm not expecting sorry
I'm too busy finding myself
I got this
I found me, I found me, yeah
I don't need your opinion
I'm not waiting for your ok
I'll never be perfect, but at least now i'm brave
Now, my heart is open
And I can finally breathe
Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free
That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me
Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah

The Wizard of Oz on the Big Screen

     The latest film to be featured in the Revival Series was the Wizard of Oz.  We made a field trip out of it filling up ten seats in total.  I know we have all seen this movie a zillion times but you really can't compare it to seeing it on the big screen.  There are a ton of tiny never before seen details to absorb.  The color is magnificent and the sound and songs are richer.    It is also very different to see these movies as an adult.  Themes pop out at you that might have previously been missed.  Plus, there is something to be said about seeing it in a crowd.  Heads were bobbing and mouths were singing along as the beloved songs played...and we didn't even have to go somewhere over the rainbow to watch!

Day in the West End

     To say this area has changed in the past few decades is an understatement.  There are areas that we thought would always stay rather rural.  Even that is changing.  So on Saturday I spent almost an entire day hanging out in a section of the Poconos that seems to be growing by the day.  First, the kids were dropped off at MudWorks for a Once and Done project.  They created heart vases from a slab of clay under the instruction of Erin.  Ethan reported that it was his favorite class so far.  It was the first time I left them to do the class on their own and now at the age of seven I think he can finally enjoy the independence.  What does one do with a free hour on a Saturday morning?  Well, it was the perfect time to check out the leather chairs and sofas at the brand new Dunkin Donuts.  Everything you love about Starbucks but with the yummy coffee that you love from Dunk.  Perfect.  I even beat a Candy Crush level while relaxing over an iced mocha.  After picking the kids up we headed to Mike's Pizza for lunch.  This is another gem tucked away in a strip mall right on 115.  The waiter was great and the food was delicious.  Then the big excitement followed as we drove to the World's Biggest Shoprite.  The gorgeous sprawling new supermarket is as pretty as it is large.  The selection was nice and the sales were as well and the shoppers were very entertaining.  We headed home and reflected on how full the day seemed.  Sometimes you don't have to go too far to have an adventure. 

Doyle's Doodles

     I work at a pottery studio.  We make all sorts of stuff that is sent all over the country to catalogs, galleries, museums and customers.  Everyone has a million hats and we change them all day and get what we need to completed.  One day there was an email from a stranger.  She explained that she had graduated art school and needed to be working in the arts.  She was willing to move, travel a great commute, learn a new system and be a team player.  When things line up...they just line up.  Long story short she moved from New Hampshire to a suburb of Philly and finally to Effort, PA.  Talk about making an effort.  Hannah is a quiet woman...or so you think until you really get to know her.  She is actually full of an excitement for life that is rare.  She dances when she hears music.  She sings when she knows the words.  She works her ass off.  But beyond all of those cool things she is probably one of the kindest souls I have ever met.  There is a peaceful nature to her full of generosity and selflessness and that is the most rare gem to find.  Oh and she's mad talented!!!  Pottery, watercolors, sculpting...you name the medium I think she can kick its ass.  I was lucky enough to be given one of her original "doodles" as a birthday gift and it hangs near my bed to inspire me everyday.  Hannah follows her dream.  Even when it's hard.  Or she's scared.  Even if it means being broke for a bit. 
     Hannah had her first opening at MudWorks this past Friday night.  I spent extra time finding just the right spot for her beautiful pieces.  Pottery was placed on pedestals and art was on walls.  But there were also bookmarks, custom painted t-shirts and genuine doodles ripped right out of a notebook.  While the rest of us sit there doing nothing she is always creating.  Always.  I honored her love for color and whimsy (though I hate the overuse of this word in this scenario it actually applies) by creating some foods to celebrate it.  I am the lover of the unicorn, sunshine and magic as well so we combined forces on this one.  I made a rainbow of fruit and a platter of color and cupcakes complete with hidden rainbows inside the first bite.  A little bit of magic for a girl who gives us a little bit of magic everyday with her creativity, compassion and beautiful art. 
     Congrats, Hannah on a gorgeous show...but more just for forging a path that I know we are all excited to follow.  We will all say we knew her when.  Can't wait to hang my new piece on my wall. :)

New Pen Pal for Ethan

     I love, love, love when someone suggests something to inspire a new thing.  Jennifer is an old buddy of mine who goes way back to elementary school.  We both have little boys and when she asked if Ethan would be interested in a pen pal I don't know who was more excited.  I miss a good old fashioned envelope coming to the mailbox.  When it arrived I used it as a dangling carrot to get through homework faster.  He opened the envelope to an adorable collection of drawings as well as the instructions on how to make a proper star.  Justin even wrote out the entire envelope which alone probably made his hand a little sore.  After some brainstorming, Ethan wrote his response.  He thanked him for the star directions and wrote a response letter complete with a drawing of all of his pets.  It gave me the chance to review addresses and what goes into a nice letter.  This world of fancy gadgets has afforded us many wonderful new things but it is sad to see the letter slowly drift into a thing of the past.  We sent our response letter out and can't wait for the next one! 

     Thanks, Jennifer,  for the idea and for giving Ethan his very first pen pal!!!

A Toast with Ludwig

     Twelve.  That's how many years we went to school together.  A thousand.  That's how many times we had to correct people for saying the wrong name to each one of us.  Christine and I have known each other for decades.  This past summer we got to toast one another in person at a little Irish bar in Yonkers.  Lives are busy though and we don't all reconnect as much as we would if we lived closer.  That's when Facebook can be a blessing.  For all of the grief we give it...it actually helps us connect with so many we wouldn't be able to. 
     Today was one of those days when work was nice.  I drove home in a calm state and was excited to pick the kids up.  It was also one of those days when every little thing seemed complicated.  It was the mad dash to clean the bathroom before the piano teacher came for the lesson.  It was trying to get homework done with my first grader.  Homework that should take fifteen minutes but for some reason seems to take longer than it took me to get through high school stuff.  While balancing that I am keeping cats away from the dog and the dog away from the piano teacher.  I am also sneaking loads of laundry down the hallway to wash and folding and hanging the clean one.  I am washing broccoli to be steamed and prepping chicken for baking.  And opening mail.  And doing dishes.  And trying to beat the next level of Candy Crush.  You all know how it is.  This isn't me whining...it's life.  I love it all but man can it all come together just right some days and make you want to throw things.  Little boys are quick to pout and patience can wear thin.  We spin the plates on the many sticks we hold and dance.  I was thinking about all of this just as a status update popped up from my dear old pal, Christine.  Her married name is different but she will always be Ludwig to me.

 It read, "Sometimes I feel like my paying job is the easy one!"

Funny, I had JUST been thinking those words a second before while folding laundry, listening to the final moments of this big piano lesson before this weekend's recital, answering another "Hey Ma" question and remembering I still had to pee (since who knows when).  It was a validation of sorts to read those words.  It's not just me!!!! Our thread continued and the next comment was, "My patience is very thin right now!  I have been spending the past hour with homework and still have to cook dinner. FML!"  Nooooooo way!  I was just doing THAT as well.  Back and forth with algebra IN THE FIRST GRADE and speech preparation with Emily.  I had yelled.  I had thrown a book.  I even smacked the dog on the ass for eating the cat food.  I was losing it.   It went on, "And then I have to do laundry. Ugh? Maybe I should have a glass of wine right now!"

I had just put another load in.  Spatola synchronicity indeed.  SO I suggested that we HAVE a drink and toast one another.  We work.  We cook.  We do laundry.  We push our kids to do more and be better.  We lose our patience.  We get frustrated.  We yell.  We all do.  I've heard you all tell me apologetically that you are a bad mom.  Knock it off!!!  We are human.  And every here and there you grab a class of Cabernet Savignon (Christine) or a Blue Moon (yours truly) and you take a deep breath and sigh.  It will all be fine.  We will all be ok.  But we may just be figuring out why so many of our parents has those cocktails while we were little...

To all of the parents out there busting their asses to do it all I thank you.  These kids will turn out to be good adults.  Just remember to be easy on yourself.  I'll leave you with this quote from a rip off daily calendar thingie that I have taped to a cabinet in the kitchen..."The best gift you can give a child is to take care of their mother!"  (Sometimes that means the mothers themselves!!!)

Here's to us!  And to Ludwig...thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone in the challenges and the need for a little toast even if it is long distance!!!

New Blog Title

     I am still a member of the sandwich generation.  I take care of an 86 year old man who still misses his lovey and is forgetting our whole life more and more by the second.  He is cranky, always cold and usually complaining.  I miss the man who raised me but he's my Dad and I love him so I take many deep breaths a day and try to remember the guy who let me play whatever music I wanted in the car as a kid.  Oh, and how awesome of a father he always was.   I have an almost eleven year old daughter.  One moment is picking out nail color and talking about boys..the other is nagging about piano practice and picking up dirty socks.  It's a strange place between a little girl I am mourning the loss of and a new and exciting future with what is ahead of us.  Memorizing speeches means teaching life lessons and to do lists mean instruction on how to balance time, energy, resources and finances.  Little man just turned seven.  I cling to the moments he still wants a hug and my heart beats a little stronger when he smiles at me as he comes to the car at after school pick up.  I know these days are fleeting.  In between all of this I take care of a home too big for this family, work part-time, parent like nobody's business and have a zoo of pets including a fish, a parrot, a chocolate lab, three cats and a hamster.  There are piano lessons, karate, extra projects from the gifted program, sleepovers, holidays and themed over the top birthday parties.  Also, I am blessed with family I love like friends and friends who I love like family.   With that blessing comes more things to do, more people to care for, more worry for those I adore.  I do it all and I try to do it right.  The past few years have also been pushing me from a life I have lived for half of my years on this planet to a whole new one...with many changes, challenges and choices.  It has been hard.  My weight is stuck on heavy, my sleep is trapped in insomnia and my clothes are as worn as my body and spirit...but I am claiming a new year of me.  My old blog title was supposed to be about keeping the balance between all of these directions in which I am constantly pulled.  In one day I may have to battle the tears of a grieving family who has lost their matriarch while doing five loads of laundry.  I may have to feed over a dozen living souls and do so with flair and energy.  There are floors to scrub, novels for the book club to read, rooms to clean out and bills to pay all while trying to remember to be present and make the most out of life.  One thing through all of this has kept me sane...even beyond the countless conversations with dear friends, hours of therapy, oodles of positive thinking quotes and books about growth...my challenge to DO THE NEW.  As the first year began I remember the feeling of panic settle in as I thought it would be impossible to do something new each day.  As the first year ended I knew I was not ready to quit my quest.  At the end of the second year I discovered that some days I did so many new things I didn't even realize I was doing them...or had to choose which one I blogged about.  Not a bad switch from someone who ordered the same dish from the Chinese place since she was a child.  Wires are reconnected.  Connections have been created.  Loops were destroyed and replaced.  How can I stop now?  I have so much more to do and so many more adventures awaiting.  But the old title doesn't make sense anymore.  I have embraced my sandwich and its limitations and each new thing can be new for all or some of us depending on the day.  It makes me a better parent, daughter, caretaker, friend, partner and employee.  The focus, however, is on the NEW.  So a new color, new background and a new title will take me into this new year!!!  Thank you for staying with me on my journey!!!

Secret Admirer

    Tsk, tsk, tsk.  It's just a new nail polish color that Emily and I put on our fingertips for a change.  It's dark grey/black with tiny little flecks of silver.  I will have fun though watching the stats on this post jump up higher than all the others.  ;)

Oh and btw...I am all caught up with blog posts, doing a THIRD year because I am crazy and am grateful for those of you still reading my madness. 

Theme Park

     A new game popped up on my phone in an ad.  Theme park gives you the opportunity to build your own amusement park.  Then you can add food joints and I guess eventually all sorts of crazy stuff.  I am finding at this point in my life though I have real things that need to be built so it won't be sticking around.  It was an easy new thing after a day of super busy though so one jumpy castle and a french fry stand later I say goodbye...

Tye and Frankie

     I have always been a cat person.  I grew up with one sleeping on my chest at night.  Sam was brought home from an Italian deli as a kitten when I was just a baby myself.  He went on to be my best buddy.  I have countless (embarrassing) photos of us together as a youngsters.  Evidently, he played cards with me and wore all sorts of odd accessories including straw hats and Hawaiian leis.  He also served as the "other player" in many board games.  He came to my window before bed when he wanted to come in to snuggle for the night.  He came when I called him.  He was my  friend.  One day he didn't come when I called.  Wasn't on the window that night.  Didn't return the next day.  The next few days were spent investigating in the neighborhood.  My cat of a dozen years...my best chum...my protector from nightmares...was gone.  Local neighbors were shown photos and asked if they had seen anything which seemed like a waste because he never left our yard.  A few days later a little boy approached me with the hope that he was the hero.  He was carrying a different black and white cat.  My heart jumped and then dropped but I thanked him for trying.  We fed the starving little girl and sent her on her way.  The next day the neighbor mentioned that he had removed a body from the road.  I walked across the street slowly and full of dread.  He opened the lid of his garbage can and immediately I recognized my beloved friend.  He was kind enough to remove it from the road.  Caring enough to give me the closure I needed.  But that image of a cat that had obviously been struck in the head by a vehicle will never leave my poor little brain.  His collar had been in the road and he gave me that as well.  I am sharing this story because I have just recently learned that if you go back to the place in which you were hurt and sometimes might get stuck you can heal in a whole new way.  The stray cat that was fed ended up finding her way back to me over the next few days.  She would follow me home from school and bump my leg to say hello.  I asked if I could keep feeding her and of course it was allowed.  This family is nothing if we aren't bleeding hearts.  I was then told if I could get her to come to me I could bring her home.  Samantha was given a name in honor of the Sampson that was killed and a new friendship began.  While at the vet and after telling our tragic tale the vet offered us a gorgeous Siamese kitten from his very own litter at no cost.  He wanted someone who loved animals to have her.  Oraphina (named in honor of a lovely veterinarian) went on to be called Bean.  They both lived for over twenty years...as indoor cats.  I don't like to think that I am keeping an animal from living its full life but when shelter, warmth, food, comfort and companionship keep an animal going for WAY over their usual life expectancy I think it's ok after all.  I moved away as an adult only to find yet another stray that seemed to show up every night.  He stayed on as our white terror...a 20lb beast that loved you and hated you all in the same moment.  I watched as he lost his life a few years ago.  We spent several nights together on the bathroom floor crying before he was put to rest after battling a rare cancer that he pushed beyond the limited time he was given.  Cats are special.  They are independent and cozy, funny and cruel...all rolled up into one.  They can also be so unique that it feels like a human spirit has to spend a life as a cat to learn some big lesson.  They also prepare you for things you will have to do later in life...sometimes you don't even realize the practice they will give to you.  It has been wonderful having my pooch and other various pets but there was something missing these last few years. 
     I have small children so of course there are constant requests to take in new animals.  It isn't always easy but we have a lot to take care of as it is and it just didn't feel "right".  I listen to my gut harder than ever these days and it is getting quite skilled at hearing what the universe is saying.  This time there was no doubt.  My coworker and buddy, MJ, has a daughter that needed a home for her two kitties.  Not kittens mind you...but cats that are somewhere around four years of age or so.  Something yelled to me that it was perfect.  With borrowed carriers we headed to the farm to meet our new pals.  Instantly, they were purring and happy.  Ethan who had spent days jumping up and down over his new buddies was beyond excited.  Emily even more so and for different reasons.  We listened to the details of their personalities and care...and watched as Kate's eyes filled with tears.  This kitty mama new it would be hard to let go of the babies she had fed with bottles...but also new it was time to let them go.  My little ones would make their lives very special.  If you know cats you know they are tricky so I assumed it would be some rough road before we all settled in.  I have never met cats like this.  In mere hours they were eating, snuggling on chests, purring like motorboats and finding Barbie mansions to play Godzilla in.  They play with my pooch, talk to you as you walk by and never are at a loss for affection.  And it's only the beginning...
     To Kate I say good luck in your big move.  I know with a baby and puppies and dogs and new adventures that await you this was a bittersweet moment in mommyhood.  We will take care of your buddies!  As I typed this Tye found my lap for a few purrs...so he says thank you as well... not only for the years you were a good mama but for your love that gave him a new life. 

New Portlandia

     If you are STILL not watching this show...PLEASE do so.  These two season opening episodes were full of hilarity as usual.  This new season also means a whole batch of fresh characters, some old ones we love and a string of catch phrases we will all be saying on a daily basis. 

Tom Augusta Painting

     I fell in love with Tom's paintings as they were hanging beautifully on the walls at work.  I had never seen such detail in watercolor paintings let alone felt the emotions that get stirred as well.  You can hear the leaves crunch under your feet or the pigeons on the sill.  You can feel the crisp air of a landscape and hear the crackle of the fire.  His pieces take you in and then take you somewhere.  I got to bring my painting home today...a gift from John.  It has a new home on a wall that suits it perfectly.  Now, I can go on a walk on an autumn day anytime I want. 

A Day of Corny Jokes

         Holidays are hard for most.  We miss people we love.  We eat too much, drink too much and feel badly about it afterwards.  We spend more than we should.  But we usually have a blast in the process.  This year the holidays were a series of awesome events that I lined up to make up for years past.  So when great moments after wonderful dinners after sweet birthdays all pass it leaves you with a sense of wahhhh waaaaa waaaaaaaa.  People were having trouble getting out of bed.  The weather seemed just too cold to go out into.  The day just too hard to start.  I was lucky enough to have one day before work in which to catch up on cleaning and getting prepped for the new year in front of me but I was saddened by so many dreary updates and texts.  I tried to bring a little levity into this world and spent the day posting cornball jokes.  They were a discovery in our NY poppers and a great source of hilarity just hours before as Leigh Ann read them all to me.  Maybe some spirits had been raising my spirits but they were funny to me just the same.  Every few hours I posted another.  People thanked me for making it all a little bit lighter.  The days eventually do come to an end...even the sad or heavy or tragic ones and we get to start all over in the morning.  Find a way to lighten someone's rough day and see how good it makes you feel in return!

Pj's and Games New Year

     I never made it out of my pj's as we played games and ate like piggies on this chilly New Year.  There was no guilt to eat light, no lists of resolutions and no pressure to do any cleaning.  Just friends, games, snacks and fun.  Not a bad way to start 2013 and another year of the NEW!!!

Dixit

     Buy this game and sit around a table and play.  Now.  Go! 

Sled & Breakfast

     It was a weekend of guests coming in shifts.  The snow had made travels tricky but it gave a certain feel to the weekend...one of that of an inn.  The kind you might go to for a relaxing weekend getaway.  People came and left.  Some crossed paths.  But we started out the morning with gingerbread pancakes, bacon and hot coffee followed by a sledding party back down our snowy hill.  And just like that the first Sled & Breakfast was born. 

Moonlight Sledding for 7

     We are very lucky to have friends that are like family and family that are our best friends. They come together for Ethan's big day each year.  This year they braved a snowstorm and a day wedged in between two holidays.  After a terrific party we cleaned up and started to unwind a bit.  The moon was bright on the snowy hill behind the house and sledding was mentioned.  I don't sled.  Especially at night.  In the bitter cold.  But what are new things all about if they don't get you to say "Yes!" when a birthday boy looks up at you with big blue eyes expecting you to say NO!  So we headed out bundled up with our sleds and went for it!!! The perfect ending to a great day for a very happy seven year old!

Prep for the Potter Party

     This year we went with a Harry Potter themed party for the little guy's seventh birthday.  White balloons made to resemble owls hung over the bar...one complete with a scroll underneath.  Jars were placed on the bar stuffed with potion items and special labels for: Dried Rat Hearts, Bloodworms, Gillyweed, Blind Cat Eyes, Truth Serum and Dream Fluid.  There was butter beer, tea, puddings and Golden Snitchcakes.  Hagrid's Garden was the veggie platter and other goodies included magic wands (pretzel rods), Hufflepuff Pastries, Slytherin Spinach Dip, Beef Stew, Shepherd's Pie and Gryffindor Pasta.  Keys were dancing over the desserts and you entered the party through a brick pattern sheet featuring the 9 3/4 sign.  It was as close as we could get to Hogwart's without riding a Nimbus 2000!

Les Mis with My Girls

     Emily and I met up with Tina and Jenne to see a long awaited musical on the big screen.  I have seen it twice on Broadway and many times on television.  Yes, I am also the dork who owned the cd back in the day and played it so many times I had every word memorized.  To say I was excited was an understatement.  It was like meeting up with an old friend.  The film brought new things to my attention and added even more layers to the known story but man was it hard to hold in the singing!

Icon Pop Quiz

     Jenne is responsible for the discovery of this new game on my Iphone.  It was fun and a nice way to sit and relax after the flurry of craziness between holidays.  I also know a whole lot more about soccer players...lol.

Christmas in Bethlehem

     If you spend Thanksgiving and Easter with a group of people who celebrate like no others...you DO NOT pass up an invite to Christmas...especially if you get to say that you were in Bethlehem on the big day.  As usual the house was gorgeous and festive, appetizers and drinks were a treat, dinner was beyond delicious and stories and company were outstanding.  The gifts were abundant and thoughtful and the game with gifts made the night even more fun.  Oh, and I came out of there with a favorite new mixed drink of pineapple juice and whipped vodka!  I can't thank the Whites and Gecseks enough for another wonderful holiday!!!

Meet Me in St. Louis

     The Revival Series brought us back to the cinema.  This time for a Christmas Eve film.  It was odd but a fun new way to spend the night...after some fish for dinner of course. 

All Day Cookiethon (December 23)

     We busted out the sugar cookie gun and made not one but seven shapes each with a different topping.  We went on to make Magic Bars, Flourless Espresso Chocolate, Oatmeal, Snickerdoodle, Chocolate Chocolate and Gingerbread Cookies.  Aprons were worn.  Flour was on faces.  Bowls were licked by the pooch.  A little cellophane and a bow and we had treats to give to some friends! 

Tattoo Nightmares Marathon

     Sometimes during dinner the television goes on.  It shouldn't I realize...but sometimes it's necessary.  I at least try to find something entertaining and new from time to time.  This particular night I stumbled upon a show called Tattoo Nightmares.  Seems there are way more "oops, I was drunk and look at what I did to myself" moments than we all thought.  This show highlights the stories of these bad tattoos and then shows you the artwork that covers up the old disasters.  It was full of amazing artists, interesting clients and some hysterical and heartwarming tales.  I will also be sure to never get a tattoo from a guy I just met at the liquor store...

Trackside

     Years ago a restaurant that was the heart of a town was burned beyond repair in a fire.  It was a place I had gone to since moving to this area in '90.  Many a special dinner was shared there and it was sad to see it go.  I guess in some sort of quite protest I have never gone back even though a gorgeous new building stands where the old train depot once stood.  Until now.  It was a snowy Friday and the kickoff to a much needed holiday vacation.  So we needed burgers...and I needed a Blue Moon.  The Trackside had the typical sports bar/burger feel but with a great staff, some cool decor and some original burgers it was pretty nice.  I've never had Taylor ham and a fried egg on a burger but I just might have to have another one soon to be sure I liked it as much as I think I did! ;)

Adult Retro Skate

     I busted out a glittery sweater and rocked some massive silver hoops to get into the mood.  The crew met up at Big Wheel for a night of skating, singing and laughing.  It was a small crowd but the size didn't mean it was dull...it was a blast. 
     On December 20th just two years ago I lost my mother.  This day was a rough one in which I skated between moods...this night was one for skating between friends.  I am lucky to have them.  My Mom was quite the skater and I'm sure she was somewhere singing along with us. 

The Voice Made Me Cry

       The opening to The Voice had me instantly in tears.  Little children held up signs with the names of the victims from the tragic shooting while the judges sang a lovely song.  A candle was lit for each life lost.  The holidays were bittersweet this year but those little ones were in all of our thoughts.

MudWorks Does Mt. Airy

     The Stratakos Family treated the staff to the buffet at Mt. Airy.  We made many trips to the many sections and stuffed our faces with food.  The real fun came when we played a game which allowed us to steal gifts from one another.  Pics of the staff made the night complete...well, that and just a few coins dropped into some slot machines. 

New Bridge

     The new bridge opened on Monday, December 17th.  It is gorgeous.  I picked the kids up from school and we headed straight there.  I drove slowly to take it all in...new lights, nice design and smooth road.  This bridge was completely dismantled and rebuilt and we have watched the entire process.  All of this time we have been going to town with a detour and it feels weird now to have it back.  We went one way and turned around to come the other.  A new day...a new bridge. 

It's a Wonderful Life

     Our small town theater showed this film days before Christmas which made the whole thing so much more magical.  I had seen bits and pieces of this film but never the complete story.  With every seat packed we smiled together at the piece of holiday sweetness that is this classic. 

Play It Again Sam

     We headed off to upstate NY to watch another production starring Mark.  This time it was a tiny cast with a huge spirit.   I was new to this Woody Allen story so it was extra fun.  I laughed, I giggled...there might even have been a guffaw or two! Another great job by Mark!