Tumultuous Tuesday

     It was a strange day.  The universe was testing me.  My father thought it was Sunday.  I wore a shirt from my dead mother's closet.  I prepped bags of baby clothes for the local church flea market.  Tucking clothes that no longer fit your children into bags to give away is hard.  I think of how it will help people who need it so very badly and that makes me feel better....but I let the sting happen first as to not ignore it and then I move on.  More scary envelopes found our mailbox.  Then I heard some disconcerting news.  I was proud of my reaction.  I would've flipped a few years back at what I had heard...but with much practice comes much strength.  I didn't react in my usual ways.  I gathered extra information.  I took words for what they were and was careful  not to swell with the many negative emotions that used to be right below the surface.  I listened to opinions not to back mine up but to keep myself in check.  Many new practices.  Some time went on and my new thing of the day was going to be a list of statistics.  I have four neon pink post its telling you the facts.  They will hit the trash can.  I knew there was something more that needed to be done. 
      This past Sunday for some strange reason I turned to OWN for a glimpse at Super Soul Sunday.  In one half hour I had felt more passion and excitement for life than I could grasp.  I listened to two men. We all know Deepak Chopra.  He soothed my mind about what I have been experiencing.  But the other man was big as well.  Bishop TD Jakes stirred something in me within minutes.  I have been thinking of it constantly ever since.  Tonight, I put down the pink sheets of information and opted to watch some of his sermons.  I watched one titled "Free Your Mind".  That same magical feeling stirred within.  Things are getting brighter.  The challenges had to get harder to squeeze out the bigger living.  Like college courses lined up with increasing difficulty...I simply have to get through them.  I will come out on the other side a different being.  I joke that I am in grad classes now...heck maybe I'll end up with a doctorate.  What I do know is that I always have a choice.  My reaction, my tools, my coping skills are mine.  In a world where so much has been taken from me lately it is nice to know those things can't be stolen.  So at the end of this horrible day all I can see is the growth, the lessons, the loving friends who support me, the promise that it will all be better someday and the brightness up ahead.  The peace is becoming more steady because it lives within.  I am grateful for the test... will continue to train the spirit...and will be wise about when to quit. 
     The night ended with a one hour uninterrupted talk with my children.  We sat together on a bed and talked.  Quietly.  Lovingly.  Sweetly.  We giggled and hugged in between messages of how to cope with emotions and where to find sources of strength. Tonight, I leave you with this...especially those of you who keep questioning the WHY of it all...

“Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”
― Deepak Chopra

If you can believe this then you know that nobody was a mistake but simply a vehicle to get you to where you needed to go.